Ty Alexander – Page 5

A Year in the Life

December 30, 2015December 29, 2015 wrestlebard1 Comment

With 2015 coming to a close, it’s time to reminisce. I published 100 posts this year, and readers added up an astonishing 493,000 page views in 2015. Most readers (by far) find their way to the home page of neverland, tracking the most recently published posts from day to day. Fascinatingly, the second most viewed page was the About neverland page, which sort of warms my heart because it’s text intensive (so you weren’t just chasing pics) and, well, all about me and my philosophy of blogging. By far the most popular pic clicked on this year was of hot, hairy chested Damien Rush crunching out a most-muscular pose with his masked undoing hovering ominously in the background.

vlcsnap-2014-01-09-09h52m35s222 — Damien’s most muscular grabbed readers most.

Readers also clicked most on my review of the Gazebo Grapplers 17 match pitting jungle boy Lorenzo Lowe against hot jobber Tim Messina. You also seemed to be as infatuated with the pulse pounding 2015 debut of big, bulging, beautiful, blond, blue-eyed beefcake Biff Farrell, clicking directly through to my adoring review of his introduction to the homoerotic wrestling audience in Lon Dumont’s Wrestler Spotlight DVD. Of course, these stats are systematically biased toward older posts (you’ve had less time to rack up clicks on December posts, for example). Which makes me think that my September review of Hunkbash 15, although only the 3rd most viewed blog post of the year, may actually turn out to be the hotttest click over time. And I can certainly understand why. I’ve nearly worn out my DVD of Logan Vaughn’s divine, titanic thighs squeezing every ounce of resistance out of every inch of supplicant-in-training Trey Dixon. There are tastes du jour and then there are exquisite, timeless dishes that we’ll be savoring for years to come, and I have to believe that Trey crushed into sweaty, slack jawed worship at the bare feet of Logan is going to be a keeper.

Neverland readers originate from across the globe. English-speaking United States, the United Kingdom, and Canada are, in order, the top ranking origins of the most readers. Germany comes in fourth place with over 13,000 page views, edging out Australia. France, Japan and Mexico round out the top 8 countries of origin of homoerotic wrestling fans checking out the latest here at neverland.

Click-throughs reveal what I’d expect. I spend most of my time reviewing BG East products, so little wonder that over 14,000 of the click-throughs this year were of readers checking out the source material at BGE. Most of the other click throughs were to brother bloggers like Wrestling Arsenal, Inner Jobber, Beefcakes of Wrestling, and Ringside at Skull Island. I do have love for more than BG East, of course, so I’m glad to see there were over 2,500 click throughs checking out source material at Can-Am, over 2,500 to Cameron Matthews‘ site, and over 1,800 to Muscle Domination Wrestling.

david2 — The moment I get my hands on (a pic of) David Muir shirtless, you will be the first to know!

Those of you using search engines to find your way to these pages typically know what you’re looking for, most of the time using keywords “sidelineland” or “neverland wrestling.” Fascinating me to no end, the next most common search engine keyword earning a click to neverland is “David Muir shirtless.” Google it, and sure enough, neverland is ranked #1. Again, consider my heart strangely warmed by the newsboy love that clearly many of you share with me. Those of you searching for a particular wrestling crush sending you this way were most likely to be seeking out Lane Hartley or Lon Dumont.

gio — Favorite moment #5: Gio plays for our team!

As for my favorite moments of 2015, one of the most fabulous reveals that I celebrated on the pages of this blog was my current top newsboy crush, Gio Benitez, coming out to his adoring public via Instagram photos of sunning his magnificent muscles next to his then-boyfriend Tommy DiDario. When he then documented his Paris marriage proposal via social media, getting down on one knee (Tommy said yes, of course!), a newsboy homoerotic wrestling lover champion tag team was born in my imagination. Every time I see Gio’s gargantuan biceps straining the seams of his suit coats as he reports on GMA, I no longer need to imagine what those hot, bulging muscles look like shirtless, thanks to Gio sharing the wealth and proudly showing off his, and his fiancee’s fabulous muscles in 2015. I’m still waiting for my wedding invitation.

One of those little moments that probably blew right past most readers but tickled my crotch just right this year was a snarky little exchange I had with none other than BG East Boss himself, Kid Leopard back in February. In my relentless pouring over and critiquing the nominees for BG East’s 2014 Bestie Awards, I adamantly announced that Kirk Donahue did not deserve to be in the running for Best Ass. You know what a smart ass I am, so of course I poured it on thick, speculating that the eventual winner of the category ought to bend Kirk over his knee and spank that adorable, yet not outstanding ass until he confesses who he fucked to get the nomination. Well, my smart assedness earned me a firm, slighty chiding message from Kid Leopard, who I assume is nominator in chief, explaining that I was completely off base in my disregard of Kirk’s award worthy butt. Getting a virtual slap on the wrist from the Boss both tickled and aroused me so much that I promptly published a public service announcement clarifying that, with additional persuasive evidence offered by the Boss, Kirk’s ass is totally nominatible. Of course, I was still a smart ass. And I still say Kirk’s ass is sensationally fuckable, but nowhere near deserving of a top 5 ranking in the exceedingly hot field of BG East butts. But anytime Kid Leopard calls me into his office to slap me around a bit, it’s going to be on my list of favorite moments.

character_study_joe_lally_014_1 — Aussie fashion model Jarrod Scott inspired my homoerotic wrestling imagination this year.

My third favorite moment of 2015 was a little self-generated pride and joy I felt in getting my ass back to what really started neverland in the first place: writing homoerotic wrestling fiction. In August I took the flimsy excuse of Details Magazine identifying their top 31 male models, to write up a first round of homoerotic pretty boy wrestling fiction. I have yet to complete the tournament, though Sean O’Pry, John Halls, and Jarrod Scott more than ably earned their way into the semi-finals. What may not have been as apparent on your side of the screen was the pleasure I had in getting back to exercising my homoerotic wrestling imagination. I’ve gotten back to the keyboard several times this fall, and I anticipate 2016 getting me back to the online homoerotic wrestling fiction publishing business again. I’ll keep you updated.

12202024_1728558944044918_825688879_n — Super sexy Drake “Blogger Bait” Marcos, Ty Alexander, and Kayden Keller.

My second most favorite moment in blogging this year was the feast of homoerotic wrestler Halloween costumes I got to enjoy, and share, in early November. Ty Alexander, Kayden Keller and Drake “Don’t-Call-Me-Jobber” Marcos partied hearty on Halloween this year and gifted you and me some hot shots of their sensationally sexy superhero costumes. By way of introducing himself to me, and by extension, you, adorably hot red-headed rookie twink Charlie Evans also sent some shots my way of his Iceman costume for Halloween this year. As soon as homoerotic wrestling studs send me unsolicited (or at least, lightly solicited) photos of themselves roaming the real world, I’m aroused and the moment is indelibly etched onto the list of most memorable moments.

0106_lg — Man-of-my-dreams Scott Williams

My top, very most favorite moment in blogging for 2015 took place in the comments section. Casual readers may not think to check the comments, but you do so at the risk of missing hot gems every so often. Such was the case when I posted one of my long, adoring, full throttle fanboy infatuation pieces on my long-time homoerotic wrestler crush, Scott Williams. Scott shared his appreciation that his fans are still gagging for it, assuring us that he is “still keeping in shape and wrestling privately here in Boston and when I travel…always will love it and will always make you proud on the mats or in the ring!” He signed his comment “Sending bearhugs – Scott Williams.” I have since seen glimpses and snippets of evidence (follow the likes of Ty Alexander on FB, and you’ll see what I mean) that Scott is, indeed, still climbing into the ring, and he remains incredibly, profoundly, astonishingly sexy fit still today. I think it’s a crime against homoerotic wrestling fandom that Scott is keeping his wrestling work out of the publicly consumable sphere these days, and I think you should, at this very moment, send an email to BG East pleading with them to convince this classic hunk to cum out in a new release in 2016. In the meantime, that virtual bearhug from one of my longest running wrestling crushes still keeps me warm at night.

0213_lg — Scott takes full possession of favorite moment #1.

So, 2016. I’m hoping it’s a year for getting back to what has been the most fun for me over the past 6 years. Be it resolved that I will publish homoerotic wrestling fiction in the coming year. Be it also resolved that I will snag some fresh new wrestler interviews, because the lack of interviews in 2015 was, in retrospect, tragic from my perspective. I’ve also been not-so-subtly angling for an opportunity to be your Every-Joe-Fan at an honest-to-the-homoerotic-wrestling-gods taping of a match, and I see no reason why 2016 shouldn’t be the year that that invitation doesn’t show up in my mailbox. Those are a few of my hopes and dreams for the New Year. Hope yours is hot, sweaty, and includes some OTK backbreakers.

News Break

December 16, 2015December 16, 2015 wrestlebard9 Comments

Just a few (relatively) quick, mostly unrelated items of interest (to me).

The reigning King of the Ring, beautiful beefcake Austin (the Doctor is In) Cooper.

First of all, have you been following Jose’s exclusive advance coverage of Rock Hard Wrestling’s imminent King of the Ring 5? RHW has not been on my speed dial recently, so I’m grateful that Jose is broadcasting the news I can use from the Rock Hard world. Defending his title as reigning King of the Ring, Austin Cooper is back and beautiful facing off against babyface muscle star Bruce Ballard. My opinions and perspectives on the upcoming title defense are woefully uninformed, so consult Jose’s breakdown of the past, present, and possible future for Coop and Bruce. Results of Jose’s fan poll sincerely surprised me, but as for me, as with King of the Ring 4, Coop is my sentimental favorite to slap beefy Bruce down and put him in his place. I will say that regardless of who wins, there is something super sexy about a classic muscleman in trunks with a championship belt hanging across his big, bulging shoulder. Yum!

12347742_1739213052979507_7898128102857565170_n — Ty Alexander: the gift that keeps on giving!

Speaking of yum, did you celebrate Ty Alexander’s birthday last week? Judging by the hundreds of birthday wishes stuffed into his Facebook feed, probably the chances are you did. In case not, I have it on good authority that Ty is accepting adoring attention every day of the year.

11010950_1727554060812073_7887502599439292365_n — … and giving, and giving…

I often wonder about a day in the life of my favorite homoerotic wrestling infatuations. I have to guess that, for Ty, an average birthday includes unwrapping tons of wrestling gear from fawning fans, based on the perpetual wrestling fashion show Ty gives us displaying an unending supply of bubble butt beautiful trunks, singlets, thongs and jock straps. I sent my birthday wishes (no gear, sorry Ty) last week, but honestly, every day is a special day whenever Ty strips down and shows off his tight, sexy wrestling bod.

gio — Tommy DiDario and Gio Benitez take Hawaii (and me, anyday).

And speaking of news, ongoing newsboy crush Gio Benitez and his fiancé Tommy DiDario recently returned from a sun soaked Hawaiian vacation. I, for one, would like to insist that these two gorgeous muscle hunks always vacation in hot, sunny locations, because there was so much lush, beautiful shirtless muscle on display! I keep waiting for my invitation to their wedding, but I console myself in the mean time returning to one of my favorite pastimes, handicapping celebrity lover tag teams in my homoerotic wrestling imagination. The quality of beef on display and the increasing generosity of sharing make me think that Gio and Tommy are odds on favorites to double team and flex their way to a number one ranking. As of this particular moment, I think the championship would climax with side-by-side tandem tombstone piledrivers as prelude to Gio’s face sitting 3 count pin on Sam Champion while tasty Tommy flexes in victory with his sweet ass planted atop Sam’s husband’s handsome mug. Pumped and fired up to claim the titles, Gio lustfully tackles his beautiful bon bon to the mat, right in the middle of their unconscious opponents, for a crotch grinding make out session.

gio2 — Pecs. Those fucking sensational pecs…

So yeah, thanks Hawaii.

Super Sexy

November 6, 2015November 6, 2015 wrestlebard2 Comments

I knew there were a lot of you sexy beasts dressing up/down last weekend. My sincere gratitude to some boys of BG East who sent along photos of their super sexy styles in honor of Halloween. I forgive them for not inviting me to join what looks like a fabulous party, only because I was flat on my back and in bed all weekend (which sounds so much more enjoyable than it was).

3amigos2 — The Flash (Drake Marcos), Green Arrow (Ty Alexander), and Aqua Man (reigning HWOTM Kayden Keller) go out on the town to party…

This raises for me the ages old dilemma of wondering who would cum out on top if superheroes were to suddenly turn on one another. In this case, Aqua Man, Green Arrow and the Flash throw down in the middle of the dance floor. Whose super sexiness and wrestling skills win the night?

3 amigos — Drake & Ty appear to have made up since their bitter-to-the-cum-slapped-end erotic grudge match in Babyface Brawl X. It was D who reigned victorious on the mat that day, but does this friendliness signal a 2-on-1 in store for big bad Kayden?

Ty&Kayden — Of course, we know the score with regard to the 1-on-1 ring history between Ty & Kayden, as well. It was the Wolf who smacked Ty’s ass into line back in Raunchy Rookie’s 7. If Drake joins the fray on Ty’s side, though…

I’ve always argued Ty is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, though. He hsd plots and schemes worked out 3 and 4 steps ahead.

But, holy shit, Kayden Keller is one big, bad, beautiful HWOTM! And he wears glasses, which instantly increases my attraction to him by a multiple of 10.

Drake&Ty — I worry about blogger bait Drake in this scenario. Since owning Ty’s ass, Drake suffered brutal, bitter, publicly documented humiliation in the clutches of a “mere” blogger. And looks at Ty’s eyes. He’s got plans. Don’t turn your back, Cheshire Cat/Flash.

Ty'sass — On the other hand, Ty is never one to miss an opportunity to turn his bubble butt backside to the camera.

TyJock — I have it on good authority (i.e., Ty) that Ty designed all 3 super sexy costumes for the three super amigos this year. Which, knowing his eye for fashion, is hardly a surprise. Of course, as sexy as the costumes were, you have to admit, he had fabulously sexy raw material to work with. Thanks for sharing, boys. May I suggest next year a sizzlingly sexy Superman blogger addition to the crew?

A Mad Mad Mad Mad World

October 24, 2015October 24, 2015 wrestlebard3 Comments

“You really want to get beat by me, don’t you?” Mad Mykel asks as Ty Alexander leads him to the BG East ring in Ring Releases 3. “I wouldn’t say that,” Ty coyly replies. Because anyone with a passing familiarity with Ty’s resume has got to suspect that Trophy Boy is a total glutton for punishment. He’s had that fine ass of his beaten and battered, stripped and spanked, tied up and knocked down time and time again, leaving the unmistakable impression that, while Ty is no pushover, he very well may get off on getting owned.

Mad Mykel’s got a screw loose (and I kind of like it)

This is just the second time we’ve had an opportunity to see Mad Mykel in action. His dismantling of babyface bombshell Richie Douglas was no fluke. Coming from out of absolutely nowhere, MM is vicious, sadistic, and more than just a little touched in the head. It’s after midnight at BG East’s Florida facilities. The place is all buttoned up with no one but Ty, MM and some unnamed lucky fucking cameraman around, but Mad Mykel is repeatedly distracted from this wrestling match by the roar of crowds that only he can hear.

Mad Mykel likes the look of Ty locked up tight

Not that the unhinged one doesn’t deserve some cheering fans. In fact, count me in. I like this kid a lot. I wasn’t sure I would, when I first got a look at him, but the more I see of him, the more he makes me laugh and turns me on, which is a particularly intoxicating combination for me. He’s relentless, merciless, and viscerally titillated by witnessing the suffering of his opponent at his mercy. And then those skin tight red trunks come off and… oh… fuck! That is one beautiful, beautiful cock!

Which speaks volumes as to the chemistry in this match because Mad Mykel’s mouthwatering member seems like the perfect compliment to that bouncing bubble butt that Ty shoves in every opponent’s face sooner or later. There’s a sly earnestness about Trophy Boy. I’ve watched him in match after match, I’ve chatted with him online, and not once, ever have I seen him break character as the super ambitious Eve Harrington determined to awe-shucks-and-dazzle his way into the hearts and pants of BG East wrestling fans. With some wrestlers I’ve connected with off the pages of this blog, I’ve come to see the men behind the wrestling personas, the insecurities, the foibles and quirks, the non-wrestling passions and pass times. But I’ve come to the conclusion that with Ty, what you see is what you get. And what I see is a hot little tanned twink babyface beauty with a singular focus on big, big wrestling star dreams and a bucket full of eye-batting charm and confidence. And that ass. If ever there were two puzzle pieces that you want to see fit together, take a look at Mad Mykel’s glorious cock and Ty’s bubble butt.

There’s a point in this match when Mad Mykel’s insanity defense seems to push its luck just a bit. He’s bullying Ty relentlessly. He’s worked up a head of steam and lording it over the Trophy Boy with something bordering between erotic sadism and just outright malice. He’s riding hard, then gets up, motions for Ty to peel his hot ass off the mat and get to his feet. But just as Ty goes to do so, Mad Mykel shoves the Trophy Boy in the shoulder and sends him sprawling back down. It’s subtle. Not anywhere near the most vicious maneuver or the hardest hit. But judging by Ty’s scramble, suddenly lashing out, sweeping the insane one’s legs out from underneath, and taking him down and CONTROLLING him completely, I’m guessing there was some unscripted passion poking its head out, brought on by MM’s dancing just a little too close to the edge.

And speaking of heads poking out, have I mentioned Mad Mykel’s fabulous cock? He’s got such a babyface, that there’s something slightly shocking about his lovely member bouncing around unbridled once the trunks and the jocks are off. That burst of Trophy Boy offense eventually gives way to the successful heel assault of one of the newest sexy heels in the BG East ranks. And Ty gets worn down, muscle by muscle, hold by hold, and the more MM shoves that giant bulge in his opponent’s face, the more I get the impression that Ty’s not so secret desire all along as been to get a total beatdown that leaves them both gagging for a messy ring release.

And, well, you know the title of the product, so definitely, all of that unbridled erotic intensity, that intoxicating, aromatic mix of sweat, tears, spit and pre cum send this seriously hard bumping tussle into an oddly competitive full on foreplay session. Maybe MM is still under Ty’s skin, because the Trophy Boy refuses for a time to let the victor stay on top, even as they’re in a full throated make out session and mutual masturbatory fire stoking. Ty turns the tables, seemingly unsatisfied with the jobber role, no longer ready to let the winner of the match dictate the terms of surrender quite as fully as he did with, say, sizzling hot hunk daddy Goren Ford in Dark Knights 12. Soon enough, though, Ty erupts on command, followed closely by a Mad Mykel’s three count face slapping cock pin.

Yeah, Ty gets dragged by his wasted cock out of the ring by his diabolical new owner (someone get Goren on the line, because I want to see him win Ty back from MM!). But there’s a petulance, a raging, ego driven wrestling competitor who keeps popping out in Ty’s matches that says there may be a whole lot more to the Trophy Boy than we’ve seen yet. Maybe I’ve been wrong. Maybe there is much more to Ty Alexander then meets the eye!

Ring Virgin

September 9, 2015September 9, 2015 wrestlebard2 Comments

The first match on BG East’s new Florida Fights 5 compilations stars 2 friends of this blog, Ty Alexander and Mason Brooks. Well, let’s get real. The stars of this match are Ty’s bubble butt and Mason’s magnificent pecs topped off perfectly by his luscious nipples. At least, those are the elements that invariably hold my attention when either of these beautiful boys wrestles, and once again, that ass and those nips do not disappoint.

Frankly, honestly, I was marginally skeptical when I pushed play. For one thing, Mason is a standout mat wrestler with sensational amateur wrestling credibility, but we’ve never seen him set foot in a ring before. Translating mat excellence to ring success is tough (just ask beefy newbie Adam Atom). More than just tough when it comes to tallying victories, it’s tough for a lot of guys to adapt to the geography and scale of the ring. Engaging ring action is 3 dimensional, with as much drama and sell happening on their feet and in the air as on the mat. It demands more movement than the tight confines of, say, the Wrestle Shack or the BG East mat room. If everything happened scrambling on hands and knees in the middle of the ring, I’d think of it as a waste of a ring. And particularly a waste of ring ropes, turnbuckles, and that sensational liminal space just beyond the ropes where audacity and lawlessness exponentiate the potential of a ring match into those homoerotically thrilling elements of psychological domination, humiliation, and sadistic brutality. Of course, Ty’s been learning the ropes of ring wrestling since his debut with BG East, quickly turning into a very popular jobber with a beautiful booty and a sensational sell. But pitting him against a ring virgin like Mason could have produced a disappointing mismatch in both the sell and the exploitation of all that ring wrestling can offer to a homoerotically turned eye like mine.

h0119_lg — Mason can take possession of that ass on the mat at any time.

And then Mason does what Mason does, and I’m instantly so fucking into him! Of the things that I love about Mason, his sharpness has got to be at the top of the list. Well, right underneath his nipples. But that smirk and his Philosophy 404 approach to mat banter and taunts turn me on so damn delightfully. By all rights, Ty should be the upperclassman here. And he tries to pull out the thump-the-newbie card as the match unfolds, “teaching” Mason a collar and elbow start. But someone, and I’m guessing his initials are “KL,” has clearly been tutoring Mason in making the jump into the ring smooth as silk, and there’s just no denying the hot, heart pumping delight of Mason hazing the fuck out of his slack jawed, beautifully assed opponent.

h0504_lg — Mason’s got a handle on what fans love so much about Ty.

“The Boss tells me that I should give you a work out in the ring,” Mason explains when Ty is perplexed to find this mat expert perched atop a turnbuckle waiting for him. “Wait, did he say ‘work out,’ or ‘work over?'” Mason smirks, hopping off the turnbuckle and approaching the notorious jobber. Ty’s assets are both obvious and easily underestimated. If you follow him on Facebook, you know that he’s been on a terror lately to build muscle mass, to increase his stamina, to button down his smooth core in order to be taken more seriously in the ring. He’s so pretty, it’s little wonder he’s been feeling the need to square off some of his round edges a bit. But his fans love him because he wrestles all in. He’s thrown his body fearlessly in the way of seasoned heels twice Mason’s size, and he suffers with that authenticity that grabs you by the base of the balls. Yeah, fans love the smooth, pretty preppy crushed and spoiled. And his ass. Fans really love that ass.

h0103_lg — Mason is “starting to get the hang of this.”

There’s a little narrative around Mason demonstrating he can spank that ass at will with classic amateur wrestling, inspiring a pissed off Ty to challenge the ring virgin to wrestle like a pro. The moment Mason bounces off the ropes and nearly rips Ty’s pretty head off his neck with a full speed clothesline, it’s clear that although Mason may be a ring virgin, he’s well lubed.

0108_lg — Mason knows what the ropes are good for.

My favorite exchange in the epiphany of Mason completely owning the ring and his opponent’s ass is when Ty is spitting mad with his arms tied up in the ring ropes. Mason takes his time, which could just be that novice need to think it through, but manages to turn the simmer up to a roiling boil in my crotch. He punches Ty’s gut, checking out how that fitness regimen is coming along. Along the way, he tugs heartily at Ty’s red trunks to multiply the impact of his fists pounding viciously into the kid’s gut. Fuck, I love the trunk pull gut punch. Fuck, I love that Mason picks that up like he’s been tying chumps in the ropes and yanking on their trunks for decades.

0118_lg — “What do you think of my chest?”

But then Mason shoves his mouthwatering (literally, I’m wiping drool from the corners of my mouth just writing about it right now) pecs in Ty’s face and smacks down some super sweet muscle domination. “What do you think of my chest?” he asks. I don’t think Ty answers him, but I can’t be entirely sure because I’m shouting at the screen, “I fucking love your chest, Mason!” Soaked in sweat, he humiliatingly drags Ty’s pretty face back and forth across his beautiful pecs. “Do you want a chest like mine?” Mason asks the would be gym bunny. Ty is impotently furious, tied up and forced to be Mason’s plaything. The only thing that could make this moment hotter would have been for Ty to have been forced to suck on one of those priceless doubloons Mason calls his nipples.

0518_lg — Mason stays on script like the pro he is.

There’s a sensation pairing here of Mason’s unhurried, scientific sadism and Ty’s increasingly unhinged, panicked agony. As we’ve seen in his mat work, Mason is chill even as sweat pours down the crevasse between his worship-worthy pecs. How is it possible I can’t find a vial of that perspiration on eBay? There’s a calmness about him that compliments his relentless, savage torture to perfection. But as any fan knows, it takes a bitter, frustrated, increasingly terrorized until finally screaming in agony and complete submission sort of opponent to truly exploit the homoeroticism of this type of match. Ty is losing his shit even as Mason is beating it out of him with total control and fabulous presence.

There’s a sleeper to seal the deal, but before that is my second favorite moment in this match, when Mason hoists his toy across his shoulders and parades Ty around the ring. I don’t know if Mason thinks of the rack as his signature hold, but I’m beginning to. It shows off everything that’s so right about Mason’s body, while driving home that most homoerotic of plot points, signaling that one ambitious young hunk is now completely under the control and at the mercy of his opponent. Mason’s sweet pecs glistening with sweat. His dapper dan haircut matted across his forehead. Ty’s bronzed body hanging limply, his arms bobbing up and down as Mason shifts his weight from foot to foot. It’s not quite as tasty as the same maneuver applied to Drake Marcos when both studs were stripped naked in Passion & Punishment. But the same hold set within the context of the pro wrestling ring is definite value added for me.

What I’m left with at the end of this match, other than an empty water bottle and a hot shower, are two things. First, we know for a fact that young Ty, while a phenomenal jobber, can at least at moments hold his own in the ring. I hope we see Ty in fewer squashes, against more opponents with whom he can show off what those meaty thighs can do and that boatload of brutal beatings has taught him. Second, there will remain a shadowed corner of sadness in my soul until I get to see Mason Brooks climb back in the wrestling ring and continue to live into the sensational, personality-forward wrestling character he embodies who has never shined quite so bright as when he was surrounded by ring ropes.

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

August 8, 2015August 8, 2015 wrestlebard10 Comments

I was on the road about half of July, but I still managed to squeeze in some viewing time. I didn’t come close to making it through Jose’s exhaustive list of every homoerotic wrestling new release in the month, but that’s not unusual. My homoerotic wrestler of the month title has less to do with an objective sampling of the entire catalog than it does with what wrestler, who I managed to watch, turned me on most. So this month the title was decisively won, but in an unconventional manner. Practically slapping me in the face with his claim to the title, July’s homoerotic wrestler of the month is…

…Ty Alexander.

Ty-Jonny — Ty cops a feel of Jonny’s big, beautiful muscles.

Ty just barely squeezed in under the wire with his Custom Combat bashing at the hands of Jonny Firestorm on Jonny’s pay site, Club Firestorm. The match was released for a limited time for Club members on the last day of the month. Like Jonny’s Custom Combat match against (steamrolling over) Drake Marcos on BG East, Ty was treated to what must have amounted to about 15 hours of video recording to come up with over an hour and a half of choose-your-own-adventure style wrestling narrative, bashed, thrashed and tenderized in such a way that you, the viewer, can order up your favorite dish of destruction, then come back to the buffet for an entirely different encore meal moments later. The jobber extraordinaire is pressed to, and then beyond, the edges of sanity and consciousness again and again, striking a fabulous chord paired with one of the most accomplished and technically masterful heels in the business.

Ty-Jonny2 — Sometimes Ty’s agony looks suspiciously much like orgasm to me.

Strip wrestling always has a spot in my heart, so beautifully vulnerable Ty getting ripped out of one gear to the next, each one skimpier than the last, is lush. The kid screams like a lamb heading to slaughter, which, frankly, is just barely a metaphor. You have to wonder if the jobber boy bit off more than he can chew partway through. Sure, Ty has been campaigning to be resident top jobber with a fierceness I don’t think I’ve ever seen before. He’s tightening up his baby smooth body, sucking down more and more punishment, getting picked apart again and again (in this case, repeatedly in the same product), and then climbing back up to his chair at the big boy table and demanding another heaping helping of corporal punishment. There’s that motif of the jobber who is such an obsessive masochist that the only question is whether his body is capable of surviving the level of torture that his mind and soul lust for. Yeah, that’s Ty.

Ty-Jonny3 — Ty is right where Jonny wants him.

And Ty looks so good doing it. Jonny’s face squeezed tightly between Ty’s thighs as he positions the jobber for a spine tingling piledriver gives us (and, obviously, Jonny) a fabulous view of Ty’s pride and joy bubble butt. Sleepered, slammed, submitted again and again, this is a marathon for Ty (though probably, if we’re honest, a dozen or more sprints to the finish for you and me).

Ty-Jonny4 — Jonny works Ty’s every last vulnerability. And there are a lot of those.

But here’s the thing, Ty worked me hardest in July not just because of his July 31 Custom Combat release on Club Firestorm. No, behind the scenes, Ty has been reaching out to let me know, in no uncertain terms, that he believes he’s long overdue to have earned the homoerotic wrestler of the month title. Like, half a dozen or more times Ty has chatted me up about this in recent weeks. He’s plied me with photos documenting his fitness progress. He’s demanded the title be his. He’s pleaded. He’s threatened. Then he’s pleaded again.

Ty2 — Ty has a firm handle on how to make a persuasive case.

And somewhere along the line it occurred to me, this is fucking turning me on! And as I just mentioned, that’s the raison d’etre of the homoerotic wrestler of the month title. It was a little surprising to me the first time I came across confirmation that a homoerotic wrestling infatuation of mine not only read my words, but was pleased by them. It’s only a certain slice of homoerotic wrestlers who read reviews of their matches, I realize. And I certainly don’t begrudge a hot slice of beef with better things to do than track the confessions of this particular fanboy. But yeah, there’s an undeniable ego stroke that comes from a wrestler starring on my screen one day and commenting on my review the next. Perhaps it’s a deep character flaw of mine that it’s not just my ego that gets stroked when a handsome stud sends me back even a small fraction of the love I toss his way.

Ty4 — Ty offered me this Ty’s-eye view of his bronzed bod oiled up and soaking in the sun.

Ty isn’t the first wrestler to campaign for some attention, but he is, without a doubt, the most vociferous. He teases me with near naked selfies and gear fetish pics. He taunts me, shoving that round bubble butt in my face, flashing his come-hither blue steel, showing off his hardening core. He dangles little treats just out of my reach, like telling me he’s just wrestled a private match with some other favorite infatuation of mine, but refusing to tell me who it is.

I have a strong feeling I’m not the first to get played by adorable young Ty. And I mean no disrespect by that. I’m more than willing to follow a silky smooth babyface jobber with a bodacious bubble butt and an all over tan who lassos me by the cock. There’s something particularly tantalizing about a lithe, limber jobber who runs headlong into walls of muscle like Jonny Firestorm, and then turns around and slaps down a charm offensive on “his media” to wring out every ounce of applause and adoration he richly deserves. No, he may look like a barely legal lamb, but that cocky charm, those titillating teases and taunts, that shake of the ass and heavy lidded smirk are professional class. I have no doubt I’m just joining the back of the line that wraps around the corner, populated by appreciative gay men who’ve willingly been cornered by seductive wiles of Ty Alexander.

Ty-Jonny5 — Speaking of being sensationally cornered…

For those readers who bitch that my opinions have been biased, that I’m showing favoritism, that clearly I’ve been swayed by Ty’s persistent campaigning behind-the-scenes… uh, yeah. The pages of this blog are devoted entirely and unabashedly to my favorites and my biases And fuck, yes, I’m more than happy to welcome back door campaigning from any enthusiastic wrestler pushing his brand and demonstrating that he knows how to grab me by the balls off camera as effectively as he does on camera.

Ty5 — 21st Century-style homoerotic wrestling self-promotion at it’s finest.

In fact, I’m doing a little campaigning myself to encourage wrestlers and producers to toy with that fourth wall, to bring those characters we crave off the screen and at least give the impression of interacting with their adoring fans. Because, honestly, I’m starting to seriously prioritize the wrestling that acknowledges those of us fueling this homoerotic economy. I’m no longer just counting it as bonus when wrestlers mention their fans in their matches, when they openly acknowledge knowing, and appreciating, what it is about them that makes us line up and pull out our… wallets. No, that’s not just value added for me any longer. I’m also actively docking points from those wrestling products that offer nothing but subtext to acknowledge their audience, who seem reluctant to even imply that they know that the wrestling they produce and star in is the stuff of erotic fantasies turning on the vast majority of their audience composed of gay men with a wrestling fetish.

Ty-Jonny6 — Obviously, it isn’t only what happens outside the ring that matters.

I hope that Ty Alexander is a glimpse of things to come, when homoerotic wrestling turns increasingly social media-forward, increasingly committed to engage their gay audience in the erotic fantasy that, for god’s sakes, we all know is fueling our attentive gaze. I saw a lot of beefcake on the mats last month. I watched hot muscleboys flexing and grunting and squeezing in ways that I truly enjoy. I saw a lot of men ripped right of my erotic fantasies, squeezed into suction packed trunks, getting crushed and clawed and slammed and stomped. And fuck, yes, that’s all sensationally satisfying stuff that holds my attention. But nobody came close to turning me on, winding me up, and igniting my erotic imagination in July like Ty Alexander.

11232175_1676040052630141_4686612004199508091_n — July 2015 Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month – Ty Alexander

Expiration Dates

July 6, 2015July 6, 2015 wrestlebard10 Comments

I’m venturing into highly contested waters today, so put your life vests on and buckle in. Age. I’ve chatted with homoerotic wrestling fans who consider hunks old enough to legally drink alcohol as getting too old for their tastes. Mind you, the fans in question are more than twice that age, but for the time being, let me just focus on the wrestlers. By the same token, I’ve talked with homoerotic wrestling fans who are a tad creeped out by wrestlers that look too young. Hell, I had an extended exchange with a fan who was gagging for a silver fox bracket of homoerotic wrestling for mature muscle only. I’ve also heard rumor of homoerotic wrestling companies who turn away handsome, magnificently muscled, high quality man meat with impeccable wrestling credentials and a sensational sell because they only work with guys younger than 30 years old. Age is clearly something that factors into the homoerotic wrestling scene in complex ways.

lodi — Billy Lodi looks like a high school sophomore and wrestles like a wildcat.

You know me, of course. I can pump out a teary eyed infatuation for hunks across a wide range of demographics. I’ve been known to get off on one of those barely legal babyface kids who, although he’s old enough to vote, has the look of a high school sophomore. Now, I fully endorse limiting the subjects of erotic products to those of legal age to comptently give their consent. I don’t want to see (let me repeat for the morality police: I DON’T want to see) an actual 14 year old, no matter how sweet his ass, step into a wrestling ring to be an object of erotic lust for grown men, much less for him to be groped or ground by an amorous wrestling opponent. If a 21 year old could pass for a 14 year old, and he has that sweet ass I just mentioned, fuck yes, get his legal signature on a contract, throw him into a ring to get slammed, stripped, and sucked, and then pay him handsomely. My line isn’t whether the audience could imagine the hunks to be underage. It’s just a question of whether they are, in the eyes of the law, legally capable of consenting to adult decisions like starring in media targeted toward erotically interested consumers. There’s got to be a line with regard to age, maturity, and capacity to give consent, and I’m just fine with the legal standards that operate in the homoerotic wrestling industry.

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So there’s that threshold of age on the bottom end of the scale. But what about the top end of the scale? Do (should) wrestlers age out of being suitable stars of homoerotic wrestling? Of course, I continue to advocate for legal capacity as a requirement. Guys with impaired capacity due to intellectual disabilities or mental health issues, no matter their age, no matter how rocking hot their six-pack abs and sculpted, tree trunk thighs are, shouldn’t be professional homoerotic wrestlers. But other than that small minority of adults, I see nothing wrong with, and in fact see many things very, very right with, wrestlers having no inherent expiration date for steaming up screens.

mitch — Mitch Colby started homoerotic wrestling only after his phenomenal physique was aged to perfection.

My thoughts are distinct from, but related to, the occasional wrestling narrative of a younger stud taunting his older opponent. I actually love seeing younger and older wrestlers go to town on each other, though I confess I typically ache to see the more mature guy own the young buck’s ass (and any other body part he wants). When Mitch Colby showed up for his debut match with BG East, wrestling against hottie Alexi Adamov, Alexi was already disparaging Mitch as ready to be put out to pasture. Mitch smirks in response to the “old man” banter, and then lets his gorgeous pecs and bulging biceps give the only answer necessary, laying Alexi the fuck OUT when all was said and done.

mitch2 — Go on, Alexi. Take a look at the “old man” who just put you down.

Now I’m terrible at guessing ages. But I’m thinking Mitch couldn’t have been over 40 years old when he wrestled Alexi. Possibly early 40’s, but that absolutely requires that he have the genes of a comic book superhero. Look at that fucking rocking muscle bod!? So sure, he’s older than Alexi, and Alexi wants to unsettle this physical phenom of a newbie muscle stud, so the young Russian gets all snarky about the only thing he can imagine sensational Mitch could be, in any way, insecure about. About the time Alexi is doing the backstroke in a pool of their combined sweat, unable to pry is wasted, hot, gorgeous young body off the mat, the “old guy” drama comes to what I think of as a sensationally satisfying end.

mitch3 — Bear daddy Brooklyn Bodywrecker takes full possession of every naked inch of Joshua Goodman (though we only see his gorgeous backside).

Physical maturity, pitched well, makes me weak in the knees. Take Brooklyn Bodywrecker with salt-and-pepper goatee and chest hair bringing us as close as we’ve come to seeing Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) stripped naked and showing off the ballast he carries in his pouch. Joshua tries to get underneath the classic heel’s skin with the “o” word. Bodywrecker tags him, bags him, and takes out the prettiest trash on the planet. How old was BBW? I have no idea. I’m guessing over 40, but like I said, I suck at guessing ages. But one thing I do know for certain: he wasn’t “too old.”

Take Christopher Bruce’s big comeback a few years ago, returning in mindblowing condition after last appearing a decade earlier as a doe eyed, shapely, lean go-go boy, now older, marginally wiser, and stealing the spotlight from every frustrated opponent with that insanely sexy, infinitely fuckable, massively muscled bubble butt. Cole Cassidy, Jonny Firestorm, they keep calling Chris out as some sort of doddering elder statesman, but that’s just the narrative tension in the story. The obvious truth is that he’s a fucking muscle god who, as far as I’m concerned, is about 30 times overtly sexier than he was a decade ago. Proving that it isn’t just the story of the mature hunk schooling a cocky young upstart that gets me off, he’s still getting his ass handed to him most of the time, but the years are absolutely nothing but value added in my book.

christopher3 — Take a good look at an “old man” of the ring, Jonny!

So age, age differences, “oldness,” “youngness,” sure all of these things are moving parts, contested, manipulated, foregrounded strategically. But in and of itself, the actual notion that someone is too old, as a function of a particular number, just seems ludicrous to me. Sure, maybe over the course of his years a wrestler has fucked up his knees or lost his strength or gone on blood thinners, in which case high impact, highly entertaining homoerotic wrestling competition may not be for him anymore. But’s that’s about injury, disease, and fitness, not a number.

dirk — Dirk Caber is reported to have only started muscling up and settling into porn at age 30. With a handsome, grey beard and insanely hot, mature beef, he is a raging bull when he wrestles and fucks for Naked Kombat.

As with any professional athlete, I’m sure there’s a time when they may choose to do other things than exercise, diet, and train with the intensity it requires to be safe and healthy and successful in a pro wrestling ring. But I’m also sure there are plenty of hunks who are talented and enthusiastic enough to keep climbing through those ropes past their 30’s (for god’s sake), definitely past their 40’s, many, I’m sure past their 50’s and maybe even 60’s. While I know there are those fans who want nothing but barely legals, I’m in the camp (and I know there are many of us) who are happily entertained and fully aroused by homoerotic wrestling hunks of a variety of ages, in a broad array of scenarios, pitching, catching conquering and being conquered by peers and young punks alike. Bald spots and grey hair can grab me by the short hairs, when paired with a sexy body, an engaging attitude, and a skillful sell.

shane — Shane McCall returned to BG East competition this past year as a more mature, salt-n-pepper bearded bear daddy with a crazy sexy belly and a fierce readiness to teach twink Ty a thing or two (or twenty) in Catchweight 6.

Before I finish what has turned into a very long post, let me just add a word of encouragement and another word of caution to those who are inspired to comment here. First, I always enjoy hearing from readers, comparing notes, seeing where our tastes overlap and where they diverge. Please do let me know what you think about homoerotic wrestler expiration dates. And, as has been my policy for quite a while, note that I won’t approve posts that attack particular wrestlers or that disparage anyone with the balls to climb into a ring and wrestle for a bunch of horny gay men. You don’t have to like the same wrestlers I do. You don’t have to agree with my opinions. But comments are welcome here that are respectful of me and the homoerotic wrestlers who populate the pages of this blog and who deserve courtesy, even if you or I aren’t fans.

And the winner is…

February 20, 2015 wrestlebard4 Comments

The BG East Besties have been announced! I’m about 20 times more excited for this than I am the Oscars. Though if a rip ‘n’ strip tuxedo wrestling match breaks out between Bradley Cooper and Ethan Hawke, I may change my mind. I made my ballot abundantly clear a couple of weeks ago, so let’s look at who the majority of voters picked for the Best at BG East in 2015.

Best Babyface for a 3rd year in a row goes to Jake Jenkins. Little surprise, and there’s nothing to argue with, because JJ is such a sexy, stunning babyface beauty. My vote went into Denny Cartier’s column, but all hail the undefeated best babyface winner, JJ!

karismaheel

In the absence of two time winner Jonny Firestorm, this year’s Best Heel award goes to Kid Karisma. Is it bittersweet for KK that he didn’t get to actually defeat Jonny for the title this year? I’ll never quibble with KK getting lauded, though I am curious that the majority that voted for him didn’t award any of his matches honors this year. My pick, Guido Genatto, scored two matches in the top awards. Of course, no one says any of us are required to maintain any internal consistency in our favorites.

Ripping the title of Best Abs away from 2-time winner Eli Black was Z-Man this year. What a phenomenal field all around, though my adoration will always be for Lon Dumont’s midsection. I will, however, stare for days on end at every inch of Z-Man and marvel at his perpetually phenomenal fitness.

petebulge

What has to be considered an upset is oh-so-pretty Pete Sharp crowding out 2-time winner Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) for Best Bulge this year. Pete was my pick, but still, I have to think of this as an upset for the man who’s made his massive bulge such a feature of every match. Perhaps the very fact that Pete is so understated about the massive mountain in his pouch is what sells him hardest as Best Bulge of 2015.

Best Butt of 2015 sees the title change hands from 2-time winner Kid Karisma to always butt-beautiful Cameron Matthews. What an incredibly accomplished, top shelf field to choose from, and I have to think Cameron and Kid are always going to be battling back and forth for fan favorite butt. I think this really requires a butt-naked wrestling match between the two of them to help us make the call for 2015.

Best Body this year broke for Austin Cooper. Z-Man has got to be seething to lose his title from last year! Personally, I think this all merely proves that Kid Karisma (my pick) is the most underrated physique in homoerotic wrestling. However I have no trouble at all seeing what the majority of voters saw when the tapped goldenboy Austin for the honors.

Jobber of the Year goes to last year’s Debut of the Year, Kip Sorell. Rio Garza wasn’t even under consideration to defend the title after owning it the past 2 years. It was a seriously tight competition, and Kip was on the receiving end of some of the hottest beatdowns of 2014, without a doubt (even though NONE of them make an appearance in the best match awards!). I still say Drake Marcos is my top jobber pick, mostly because it irritates him so much to be called jobber, which I think is a supremely awesome quality in a jobber.

Debut of the Year saw the rest of you agreeing with me that Ty Alexander burned up the scene his rookie year. Clearly, one can’t “defend” his best debut title, but just for context, Ty joins the likes of Eli Black (Class of 2012) and Kip Sorell (Class of 2013). I expect to see some amazing things from the sophomore year of adorable Ty.

Don’t forget that all of the nominated matches this year are on sale for 25% off through the end of the month. I’ll take a look at the best match winners next…

And the nominees are…

February 8, 2015 wrestlebard1 Comment

Mere hours are left for you to register your votes for the 2014 BG East Besties. The last 4 categories I have to reflect on are what I think of as the most dramatic and titillating. Like saving “best picture” and “best actor in a leading role,” I’ve held off on reflecting on these because these mean most to me in any ways. First up, let’s look at those who sold the most compelling characters this year, beginning with nominees for Top Heel.

morganheel — After a bumpy start in BG East his first go a couple of years ago, Morgan “the Mastodon” Cruise has been a perennial heel. Vicious, merciless, with no regard for life or limb, much less rules or good taste, he’s very on point at all times. His monologues tend to be constant, regardless of his opponent, and I long for new depths of sadism fro him. But he’s got a ton of fans.

guidoheel — Guido Genatto has a boatload of nominations for Best Ring Match, Best Squash, Best Submissions, Best Overall Match. He doesn’t just heel, he obliterates. He’s a steam roller who delights in cheating because, fuck, who’s going to try to stop him? Definition of a heel.

laneheel — Lane Hartley has so much swagger and he’s so damn pretty, he nearly slides out of heeldom when I picture him in my mind’s eye. He’s relentless and deeply sadistic. He takes great pleasure in the screams and tears of his victims.

karismaheel — My reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler Kid Karisma drips with contempt, supremely confident that his muscle and might will roll right over every victim placed in his way. I don’t think of him as a dirty tricks wrestler, because he’s just so fucking dominant, why would he need to rely on cheating? Sadistic as shit, yes, but the top heel?

thunderheel — Cage Thunder is a top shelf heel at all times, even though his appearances in 2014 were scarce. The mask, the body, that awesome cock… everything about him is perfectly tuned to inspire terror. He did what he does fabulously, but with just one match on the books this year, will he claim Top Heel of the year?

Shockingly, the reigning Top Heel the past two years running, Jonny Firestorm, was absent from this year’s slate. Was Jonny’s work somehow less dominant, less dastardly, less sadistic? With him suspiciously out of the way, however, someone is definitely taking the crown for the first time. I’m leaning toward Guido because of both quantity and quality of his matches. His trash talk alone is terrifyingly hot, but his muscle domination and indy pro heel superiority are absolutely soul crushing. I’m guessing fans will break his way or possibly Morgan’s. I think Cage Thunder is a long shot this year solely because he didn’t put up more evidence of his heel mastery in 2014, but he very well could be the sentimental favorite of long-time fans.

Top Jobber is crazy competitive this year. I would argue a jobber is not someone who just gets squashed, but someone who sells that he whole heartedly believes he has a fighting chance, even mounts some offense and keeps the suspense building, but sooner or later, inevitably goes down in crushing defeat. A jobber isn’t a pushover. He’s not a joke. He inhabits a full story arc, even if the outcome is as certain as the sunrise. You and I know a jobber is doomed from the start, but he doesn’t. Let’s take a look at the contenders for this nuanced category.

tyjobber — Ty Alexander has been a house on fire his debut year. I think he’s a clear frontrunner for Debut of the Year, and he quickly developed the narrative of his legitimate skill and enthusiasm doomed to be crushed under foot. At times I wondered if his masochism was too far in front, if he wanted to be beaten so bad that he collapsed the suspension of disbelief. But he assembled an army of fans who I’m sure are behind him (because the view is so damn fine from back there).

kirkjobber — I got harassed for discounting Kirk Donahue’s qualifications to be in the Best Butt contention, so I realize I may be asking for it again when I say that, although he made my crotch stir hard with an epic sell jobbing in 2014, it was just one match. The suspense lasted about 17 seconds before Guido was grinding the kid into pulp, which he sold like a champ, but still, was it enough to say he was Top Jobber for 2014?

jjjobber — Jake Jenkins carries so much water at BG East it’s amazing. Total top tier, multi-award winner babyface, he took major beatings in the ring in 2014 establishing a fantastic claim to be considered Top Jobber. Ignore his mat work. That’s a whole different JJ, and BGE deploys their boys in different genres with entirely different aptitudes. In the ring, though, in those “beat me” American flag trunks, he was an incredible jobber.

ofcourseajobber — Drake started the year first jobbing hard for Mason Brooks and then getting pissy with me for admiring what a hot jobber he is. The handsome jobber fucking HATES being called a jobber, which somehow merely makes it only that much more certain that he’s such… a… JOBBER. To top it off, after searching the ranks of bloggers to find someone he can finally beat, he still ended up in a tree of woe with my heel grinding into his defenseless chest. What a jobber…

kipjobber — Kip Sorell is one tasty muscle jobber. His claim to Top Jobber seems clearer than his contention for Top Babyface, as I mentioned earlier. However, I’m not entirely sure Kip honestly believes at any point leading up to or during any of his matches that he has a snowball’s chance in hell. That makes him blur somewhere between a doomed character in a Greek tragedy (aka, a jobber) and a helpless victim of a mugging/attempted rape (aka, a farce). Fans love him every time he suffers hard, though.

Tough call, with a ton of blurry lines depending on exactly what you think and feel about jobbers in general. Two-time winner Rio Garza was not nominated this year, leaving the field open for a first-timer to be guaranteed the crown. With the fond memory of him out cold, stripped naked, and with his trunks stuffed down his throat in the middle of the ring after coming face to face with a certain blogger, though, I have to punch Drake Marcos’ ticket (once again) for Top Jobber. I think his biggest competition for this one is Ty, with the difference being, in my mind, mainly the certainty that Ty would love to be Top Jobber, while Drake would hate it. Paradoxically, I think that gives Drake the edge here. Long shot I think is JJ, mostly just because some people will vote for him regardless what the category is. He’s so complex, though, and you have to partition out his mat work to fully justify him as Top Jobber.

Hottest Liplock may not be a category others think of as the top tier choice to make, but I fucking LOVE this category. Like “Best Submissions in One Match,” the context isn’t entirely clear. A particular liplock? Perhaps not, since the nominees are just matches. I love wrestling liplocks, though, so however you slice it, I’m so into this category.

drakelip — Babyface Brawl X was sexy as hell and a fantastic concoction of bitter aggression and full on sexual arousal, which is one of my favorite formulas. Drake and Ty were fighting for victory, for dignity, and most of all, for Drake’s trunks. Some of the hottest liplocks are NFSW, but every one left me wondering whether it would be interrupted by more bitter fighting, which makes everyone of them hot, hot, hot.

rosslip — Wrestle Shack 18 was full of full on homoerotic wrestling lust between Gabriel Ross and Christian Taylor. This was a fantastically sexy pairing, with tons of value added for the stark contrasts between their bodies. Christian is reigning kissing champion of BG East in my book, but I don’t know if Gabriel was as convincingly committed to the liplocks.

treylip — Holy shit Trey Dixon and Skip Vance were on FIRE by the end of their Gear Wars 4 match. How no penetration appeared on camera is a mystery to me, because Skip’s rod is visibly throbbing and Trey looks like a starved man sitting at an Old Country Buffet. This particular jockstrapped, cock-sitting, body-scissors-oh-fuck-it-let’s-suck-face moment brings a tear of ecstasy to my eyes every time.

kaydenlip — Raunchy Rookies 7 saw the seismic double debut of Kayden Keller and Ty Alexander, putting up one of the sexiest, most explicit, fully erotic wrestling matches I’ve ever seen a rookie (much less two) manage. Kayden looks like he could eat the face off of adorable Ty, but the corporal domination leads ultimately to merely a double explosion in the middle of the ring. Sizzlingly hot liplocks, particularly once the gear is stripped.

masonlip — Pain & Punishment 1 has locked down a boatload of nominations all over the place, so yet again consider the fine eroticism of Mason Brooks squelching Drake Marcos’ screams of anguish with an intoxicating liplock. Not nearly as many liplocks in this bitter, bitter feud as for other contenders, but the aggressive, dominating, domineering face suck is enacted to perfection.

So many fantastic liplock moments that speak to the very heart of what moves me most about homoerotic wrestling! If I could vote for all of the nominees, I would, because they all rocked me dizzyingly hard. Just one, though? Fuck. It’s razor close between Babyface Brawl X and Gear Wars 4. My vote finally goes to the homoerotic jobber wonder twins, Drake & Ty, whose Babyface Brawl X was incredibly innovative and pushed the envelope in all the right directions. I have no idea what the majority will vote for in this category. I won’t be surprised for whoever wins, though I’m pulling for the jobber wonder twins.

Now for Best Overall Match of 2014…

guidobest — Guido Genatto once again complicates the field with two entries, first for Demolition 17 against Jake Jenkins. I don’t know if a squash is likely to win because of the constituency that just doesn’t like them, though this one was incredibly tasty.

kirkbest — Demolition 18 found Guido again crushing another jobber like a grape, this time wunderkind Kirk “don’t-discount-my-ass” Donahue. This match definitely made me most genuinely concerned for the life and limb of a wrestler this year. Was it best overall?

treybest — Mat wrestling entries for Best Overall Match include Passion & Punishment 1’s Trey Dixon v Skrapper. Intensely, intimately, shockingly erotic without an ounce of hot, hard, painful wrestling action spared. Incredible match. Totally legitimate finalist for this category.

drakebest — Yet another Pain & Punishment 1 entry is Drake Marcos getting schooled like a stubborn pup by sexy as hell philosopher king Mason Brooks. This match pushed all my buttons a lot. Awesome drama that extended well beyond the narrative on camera. Fantastic wrestling, awesome suffering, sweat, luscious bodies… I’m convinced, but I’m slightly surprised it pulled the nominating committee to include it.

zmanbest — Pretty boy ring feast, Ring Hunks 2 makes a surprise entry here (as far as I’m concerned). Truly a watershed moment to watch Z-Man really come into his own and set the pace, control the tempo, and tell the story (not to mention fucking own every inch of Kip Sorell). Another squash though, making all 3 ring match entries in this category way one-sided. Not judgment on my part, just an observation.

cameronbest — Submissions 9 puts in the last contender with Cameron Matthews and Lorenzo Jake Lowe chaining together one dizzyingly hot hold after another until everyone is coated in sweat (and most of us on this end of the screen coated in other bodily fluids). Highest quality mat wrestling, big egos, energizer bunnies, bitter aggression.

I’m fascinated that all three ring match entries are squashes. That, along with Guido’s double entry, really fucks with my confidence in predicting a frontrunner. My vote is going to Mason and Drake because of several factors, including Mason’s gorgeous naked ass, Drake’s horrified whimpers, bitter trash talk, a gallon of sweat, and the ball rolling that would lead to me snapping Drake’s photo flat on his back under my foot about 9 months later. Extremely close 2nd place for me is Trey and Skrapper. Holy fuck that’s one over-the-top hot, hard fought, insanely sexy match. My barely better than a random guess for the majority on this one is Cameron and LJL, mostly because of Cam’s fan following. I think long odds are on Guido & Kirk.

If you haven’t voted yet, this is your Bard approved final ballot to point your way to where my tastes take me:

Best Abs: Lon Dumont

Best Bulge: Pete Sharp

Best Butt: Kid Karisma

Best Body: Kid Karisma

Sexiest Match: Passion & Punishment 1 – Trey Dixon v Skrapper

Best Mat Match: Passion & Punishment 1 – Drake Marcos brought to whimpering tears by Mason Brooks

Best Ring Match: Tag Team Torture 17 – Dumont/Baynard v Reno/Walsh

Best Debut: Ty Alexander

Top Babyface: Denny Cartier

Best Squash: Jobberpaloozer 13 – Austin Cooper v Leo Tomasi

Best Submissions in One Match: Wet & Wild 7 – Trey Dixon’s face-to-crotch headscissors on Mason Brooks

Top Heel: Guido Genatto

Top Jobber: Drake “damn-it-I’m-not-a-JOBBER!” Marcos

Hottest Liplock: Babyface Brawl X – Drake Marcos v Ty Alexander (aka, the homoerotic jobber wonder twins)

Best Overall Match of 2014: Pain & Punishment 1 – Drake Marcos sniveling and choking like a jobber punk beneath Mason Brooks

And the nominees are…

February 6, 2015February 5, 2015 wrestlebardLeave a comment

The polls close Sunday at midnight (EST, I’m guessing), so don’t contemplate your votes for the Best of BG East in 2014 too long. If you haven’t submitted your votes yet, consider this your voter’s guide with only a tad bit of electioneering to keep it saucy. Today, let’s take a look at a couple more categories. First up, best ring match.

zmanring — Best Body 2013 winner Z-Man doesn’t take kindly to Kip Sorell trying to outshine him. Ring Hunks 2 is the first match I remember Z-Man really telling the story, and he does an outstanding job of it. I’d go so far as to say his body part by body part dissection of Kip may have been exactly what kept the pretty boy out of contention in Best Body 2014. Drama, beauty, suffering… could this be best ring match?

tagteamring — Comparing tag team matches to singles is apples to oranges, but I’m extremely happy to see Tag Team 17 show up in the polls somewhere. 4 of the finest specimens of wrestling muscle, 3 rocking debuts, and my perennial favorite Lon Dumont working his magic… that’s a strong case for best ring match!

jakering — Demolition 17’s Genatto v Jenkins match shows up both as an option for best ring match and best squash. Guido obliterates the young stallion. Fucking brutal as hell. Incredible feats of strength, flexibility, endurance, and pro quality talent. Total contender.

jobering — Ringwars 23 features Jobe Zander getting everything he’s dishing out and more from Peter Owens. Call yourself “the centerpiece” and you should come to expect the laser scope trained on your mammoth member. Vile, vicious, dizzyingly brutal.

alexiring — Fans salivate at the sight of Alexi Adamov, so his Ringwars 22 match with Scott Starr has got to be in the running. Although he’s always dangerous, Alexi is regularly in jeopardy, which keeps so many tuning in to see Sexy Alexi face the music. And against pro stud Scott Starr (no bulge nomination!?), this is fast, furious, and muscle magnificent.

I’ve got to punch my hanging chad for Tag Team Torture 17, because 4 magnificent specimens of wrestling meat beat 2 about 99 out of 100 times for me (it’s all about math). 3 debuts and every fucking one of them is absolutely on point and golden? That’s a work of art, and add Lon Dumont’s snarls and flexes, and I’m done for. I suspect I may out of the mainstream, and if so, I’m expecting to see Z-Man/Sorell or Guido/JJ own the plurality. The dark horse odds defier I think has to be Jobe/Peter. Jobe’s crotch has its own clamoring fan base, though…

Next for today, I want to muse a bit on one of my favorite categories, Best Debut. I love fresh blood, the suspense of new faces, who will they be, what will they sound like, can they fucking wrestle? There were outstanding newbies hitting the scene this year, so let’s take a look at the nominees.

caldebut — Cal Bennett is here in his 3rd category after appearing in exactly 1 late season match. That’s got to say something. His gargantuan biceps and ripped torso say a lot as well, as does his baby blue eyes. He’s definitely made the most of that one match, though he got steam rolled like a pancake by Chace LaChance. Fans clearly responded, however, which I’d argue is the essence of what makes for a debut of the year.

Tydebut — If the standard is going from 0 to 60 in record time, however, it’s hard not to give a long, lingering look at Ty Alexander. Unlike some of the other contenders, Ty not only debuted in 2014, he went on to be featured in 5 releases, including one single match release. Ty works social media, and between that and his bubble butt, he’s generated a tidal wave of fan support.

kirkdebut — Another late season debut with just one match under his belt is “don’t discount my ass” Kirk Donahue. True enough, the freckle faced stud came on like a house on fire in his demolition at the hands of Guido, making my crotch groan to watch him, literally, attempt to flee the ring crying in terror. He took punishment for about 4 men and sucked it down like java. I expect major things in 2015, but did he do enough in 2014?

richiedebut — Richie Douglas has come on extremely strong since debuting earlier this year. 2 matches in 2014 and already in the first 2015 catalog, the babyface boy scout is ripped to shreds and a punishment sponge. He’s innocence aching to be spoiled which is a compelling character to already own in your debut year.

zachdebut — Zach Reno (left in this picture) is another hunk who got tongues a wagging after just one appearance, namely in Tag Team Torture 17. The curly-haired bearded beauty impressed a ton of fans, helping to make TTT17 such an outstanding release. He’s got a distinct, sexy ass look, power, speed, and a jock-takes-on-homoerotic-wrestling character in place.

Another tough, tough category. I’m partial to the nominees that demonstrate some depth, so although a couple of these studs could easily be major players after a couple more matches, I lean squarely toward punching my ticket for either Ty or Richie. I’d be happy to settle the close call with a rip ‘n’ strip match between the two of them to determine the winner of my vote, but short of that, I’ve got to say Ty Alexander has done more in his debut year with BG East than almost anyone I can remember. You’ve got to go back to Eli Black to really see quite the same momentum so soon. I’m sorry not to see another slightly more experienced newbie like Kayden Keller on the ticket, and I’m suspicious as to whether Cal’s dazzling beauty (if not stellar wrestling) may attract the masses. Even though he’s my number 2, I think Richie is the dark horse long shot bet here to consider. Not a ton of buzz, but a solid wrestler, luscious body, and that rare combo of adolescent face on a hot, hard, mature man’s body.

So the Bard-approved ballot stands now this way:

Best Abs: Lon Dumont

Best Bulge: Pete Sharp

Best Butt: Kid Karisma

Best Body: Kid Karisma

Sexiest Match: Passion & Punishment 1 – Trey Dixon v Skrapper

Best Mat Match: Passion & Punishment 1 – Drake Marcos beat like a bitch by Mason Brooks