Uncategorized – Page 45

A Year in the Life

December 30, 2015December 29, 2015 wrestlebard1 Comment

With 2015 coming to a close, it’s time to reminisce. I published 100 posts this year, and readers added up an astonishing 493,000 page views in 2015. Most readers (by far) find their way to the home page of neverland, tracking the most recently published posts from day to day. Fascinatingly, the second most viewed page was the About neverland page, which sort of warms my heart because it’s text intensive (so you weren’t just chasing pics) and, well, all about me and my philosophy of blogging. By far the most popular pic clicked on this year was of hot, hairy chested Damien Rush crunching out a most-muscular pose with his masked undoing hovering ominously in the background.

vlcsnap-2014-01-09-09h52m35s222 — Damien’s most muscular grabbed readers most.

Readers also clicked most on my review of the Gazebo Grapplers 17 match pitting jungle boy Lorenzo Lowe against hot jobber Tim Messina. You also seemed to be as infatuated with the pulse pounding 2015 debut of big, bulging, beautiful, blond, blue-eyed beefcake Biff Farrell, clicking directly through to my adoring review of his introduction to the homoerotic wrestling audience in Lon Dumont’s Wrestler Spotlight DVD. Of course, these stats are systematically biased toward older posts (you’ve had less time to rack up clicks on December posts, for example). Which makes me think that my September review of Hunkbash 15, although only the 3rd most viewed blog post of the year, may actually turn out to be the hotttest click over time. And I can certainly understand why. I’ve nearly worn out my DVD of Logan Vaughn’s divine, titanic thighs squeezing every ounce of resistance out of every inch of supplicant-in-training Trey Dixon. There are tastes du jour and then there are exquisite, timeless dishes that we’ll be savoring for years to come, and I have to believe that Trey crushed into sweaty, slack jawed worship at the bare feet of Logan is going to be a keeper.

Neverland readers originate from across the globe. English-speaking United States, the United Kingdom, and Canada are, in order, the top ranking origins of the most readers. Germany comes in fourth place with over 13,000 page views, edging out Australia. France, Japan and Mexico round out the top 8 countries of origin of homoerotic wrestling fans checking out the latest here at neverland.

Click-throughs reveal what I’d expect. I spend most of my time reviewing BG East products, so little wonder that over 14,000 of the click-throughs this year were of readers checking out the source material at BGE. Most of the other click throughs were to brother bloggers like Wrestling Arsenal, Inner Jobber, Beefcakes of Wrestling, and Ringside at Skull Island. I do have love for more than BG East, of course, so I’m glad to see there were over 2,500 click throughs checking out source material at Can-Am, over 2,500 to Cameron Matthews‘ site, and over 1,800 to Muscle Domination Wrestling.

david2 — The moment I get my hands on (a pic of) David Muir shirtless, you will be the first to know!

Those of you using search engines to find your way to these pages typically know what you’re looking for, most of the time using keywords “sidelineland” or “neverland wrestling.” Fascinating me to no end, the next most common search engine keyword earning a click to neverland is “David Muir shirtless.” Google it, and sure enough, neverland is ranked #1. Again, consider my heart strangely warmed by the newsboy love that clearly many of you share with me. Those of you searching for a particular wrestling crush sending you this way were most likely to be seeking out Lane Hartley or Lon Dumont.

gio — Favorite moment #5: Gio plays for our team!

As for my favorite moments of 2015, one of the most fabulous reveals that I celebrated on the pages of this blog was my current top newsboy crush, Gio Benitez, coming out to his adoring public via Instagram photos of sunning his magnificent muscles next to his then-boyfriend Tommy DiDario. When he then documented his Paris marriage proposal via social media, getting down on one knee (Tommy said yes, of course!), a newsboy homoerotic wrestling lover champion tag team was born in my imagination. Every time I see Gio’s gargantuan biceps straining the seams of his suit coats as he reports on GMA, I no longer need to imagine what those hot, bulging muscles look like shirtless, thanks to Gio sharing the wealth and proudly showing off his, and his fiancee’s fabulous muscles in 2015. I’m still waiting for my wedding invitation.

One of those little moments that probably blew right past most readers but tickled my crotch just right this year was a snarky little exchange I had with none other than BG East Boss himself, Kid Leopard back in February. In my relentless pouring over and critiquing the nominees for BG East’s 2014 Bestie Awards, I adamantly announced that Kirk Donahue did not deserve to be in the running for Best Ass. You know what a smart ass I am, so of course I poured it on thick, speculating that the eventual winner of the category ought to bend Kirk over his knee and spank that adorable, yet not outstanding ass until he confesses who he fucked to get the nomination. Well, my smart assedness earned me a firm, slighty chiding message from Kid Leopard, who I assume is nominator in chief, explaining that I was completely off base in my disregard of Kirk’s award worthy butt. Getting a virtual slap on the wrist from the Boss both tickled and aroused me so much that I promptly published a public service announcement clarifying that, with additional persuasive evidence offered by the Boss, Kirk’s ass is totally nominatible. Of course, I was still a smart ass. And I still say Kirk’s ass is sensationally fuckable, but nowhere near deserving of a top 5 ranking in the exceedingly hot field of BG East butts. But anytime Kid Leopard calls me into his office to slap me around a bit, it’s going to be on my list of favorite moments.

character_study_joe_lally_014_1 — Aussie fashion model Jarrod Scott inspired my homoerotic wrestling imagination this year.

My third favorite moment of 2015 was a little self-generated pride and joy I felt in getting my ass back to what really started neverland in the first place: writing homoerotic wrestling fiction. In August I took the flimsy excuse of Details Magazine identifying their top 31 male models, to write up a first round of homoerotic pretty boy wrestling fiction. I have yet to complete the tournament, though Sean O’Pry, John Halls, and Jarrod Scott more than ably earned their way into the semi-finals. What may not have been as apparent on your side of the screen was the pleasure I had in getting back to exercising my homoerotic wrestling imagination. I’ve gotten back to the keyboard several times this fall, and I anticipate 2016 getting me back to the online homoerotic wrestling fiction publishing business again. I’ll keep you updated.

12202024_1728558944044918_825688879_n — Super sexy Drake “Blogger Bait” Marcos, Ty Alexander, and Kayden Keller.

My second most favorite moment in blogging this year was the feast of homoerotic wrestler Halloween costumes I got to enjoy, and share, in early November. Ty Alexander, Kayden Keller and Drake “Don’t-Call-Me-Jobber” Marcos partied hearty on Halloween this year and gifted you and me some hot shots of their sensationally sexy superhero costumes. By way of introducing himself to me, and by extension, you, adorably hot red-headed rookie twink Charlie Evans also sent some shots my way of his Iceman costume for Halloween this year. As soon as homoerotic wrestling studs send me unsolicited (or at least, lightly solicited) photos of themselves roaming the real world, I’m aroused and the moment is indelibly etched onto the list of most memorable moments.

0106_lg — Man-of-my-dreams Scott Williams

My top, very most favorite moment in blogging for 2015 took place in the comments section. Casual readers may not think to check the comments, but you do so at the risk of missing hot gems every so often. Such was the case when I posted one of my long, adoring, full throttle fanboy infatuation pieces on my long-time homoerotic wrestler crush, Scott Williams. Scott shared his appreciation that his fans are still gagging for it, assuring us that he is “still keeping in shape and wrestling privately here in Boston and when I travel…always will love it and will always make you proud on the mats or in the ring!” He signed his comment “Sending bearhugs – Scott Williams.” I have since seen glimpses and snippets of evidence (follow the likes of Ty Alexander on FB, and you’ll see what I mean) that Scott is, indeed, still climbing into the ring, and he remains incredibly, profoundly, astonishingly sexy fit still today. I think it’s a crime against homoerotic wrestling fandom that Scott is keeping his wrestling work out of the publicly consumable sphere these days, and I think you should, at this very moment, send an email to BG East pleading with them to convince this classic hunk to cum out in a new release in 2016. In the meantime, that virtual bearhug from one of my longest running wrestling crushes still keeps me warm at night.

0213_lg — Scott takes full possession of favorite moment #1.

So, 2016. I’m hoping it’s a year for getting back to what has been the most fun for me over the past 6 years. Be it resolved that I will publish homoerotic wrestling fiction in the coming year. Be it also resolved that I will snag some fresh new wrestler interviews, because the lack of interviews in 2015 was, in retrospect, tragic from my perspective. I’ve also been not-so-subtly angling for an opportunity to be your Every-Joe-Fan at an honest-to-the-homoerotic-wrestling-gods taping of a match, and I see no reason why 2016 shouldn’t be the year that that invitation doesn’t show up in my mailbox. Those are a few of my hopes and dreams for the New Year. Hope yours is hot, sweaty, and includes some OTK backbreakers.

Poser Pounding

December 29, 2015 wrestlebard1 Comment

0304_lg — Van Skyler debuts in the ring.

Clearly, I was pretty damn enamored with BG East’s recent release of Gut Bash 11. I’ve fawned over the BG East debut of Chet Chastain’s IRL tag team partner, Brice “Big Mamma” Moore. I loved Lon Dumont’s rookie wrecking of adorable Carlos Ortega so much that it put Lon back on top of my rankings of favorite homoerotic wrestlers. And now I need to complete the trifecta with a loving treatment of the third match, starring Van Skyler’s ass making it’s pro ring debut.

Yep, the rest of him is in this match as well, and there’s so much sizzling hot sexiness of every square inch of Van. His heavily lidded bedroom eyes and lush, thick lips… his stunning arms, torso, and legs… starring in his sophomore match, Van is a star in the making, as far as I’m concerned. He’s dizzyingly pretty, paired with magnificent muscle quality and quantity. Everything about him adds up to HUGE potential in this business.

0320_lg — We are indebted to you, Flash LaCash.

But… That……….. ASS! When Flash LaCash peels Van’s sweat soaked body off the mat by the back of his trunks, giving the rookie a tight, wet wedgie, I’m convinced that this kid could own this industry. And making me love him just that much more: he doesn’t bother trying to dislodge his trunks from his crack. Let that glute roam free range, Van. You are a nascent homoerotic wrestling god.

0330_lg — Flash LaCash is pretty. There, I said it.

I was lukewarm on Flash the first couple of times I saw him, but he’s done significantly more than grow on me in the mean time. I waffled back and forth on his 70’s-forward stash, but fuck me if the full beard he’s sporting in GB11 doesn’t pound the lumbersexual button I had no idea I possessed. Flash is that provocative combination of card carrying, devastatingly dangerous badass attached to a heart meltingly handsome, dare I say, beautiful face. Those eyes, staring deep into my soul with a mischievous twinkle, could get me to do all sorts of boundary crossing. I suspect most fans aren’t as wooed as I am by Flash’s cred as a babyface, but it wouldn’t be the first time I zig when the rest of you zag.

I’d warn you that I’m about to deliver a spoiler, but is there anyone on the planet with eyes to see these two side by side and still be surprised that Flash squashes the stuffing out of Van? It’s the classic tale of the pretty boy with so many abundant assets lovingly crafted in the gym, getting pulverized by a pro who hates pretty posers. Of the 3 matches in this collection, this is truest to the gut bash format. Determined to terrorize the poser right out of the ring for good (the homoerotic wrestling gods forbid!), Flash is brutal and relentless. His genuine contempt for gym bunnies who think two peaked biceps and a 28″ waist are sufficient to earn you a shot in the wrestling ring inspires a muscle bashing focused almost exclusively on the rook’s coverboy abs.

0348_lg — Van sucks on it (his own sweat-soaked sweat sock, that is).

Van takes the beating with equal parts grit and suffering such that I’m hopeful for the pin-up boy’s future in the business. He sells it, and in the hands of such a totally dominating pro heel, his grade A beef is served up juicy and rare.

So much sweat. So much muscle. Such a fabulous contrast of experience, look, style, and appeal. I’d love to rip a plaid flannel shirt off Flash and rub baby oil all over every bulging inch as I stare, enthralled, into his riveting eyes. But I’m just saying that Van Skyler’s ass needs it’s own Wrestler Spotlight. I also think it needs a blogger sitting ringside, because I am very, very eager to get to see this dazzlingly beautiful boy shake off the freshman jitters and shock and awe some more appreciative opponents with that world class moneymaker of his.

0322_lg-1 — Van is in position to be a major player in 2016. Please.

Santa’s Little Helper

December 25, 2015December 24, 2015 wrestlebardLeave a comment

I got this tasty bit of holiday cheer from Ty Alexander, aka, Santa’s Little Helper. Like Ty, I hope all of you who are celebrating Christmas have a happy one, filled with hot, mostly naked homoerotic wrestling studs!

Tug on Superman’s Cape

December 23, 2015 wrestlebard1 Comment

Damien Rush has never been less able to squeeze his bulging muscles inside this suit!

“Riddle me this, Super Stud: what is black and green and in your gut?” Simple, naive, gullible as shit Super Stud is stumped. He looks inward, trying to solve the riddle. Riddle Man relieves the suspense by driving his black and green walking stick viciously into the super hero’s rippled abs.

How in the fuck could adorable, skinny little red-headed rookie ~~Charlie Evans~~ Riddle Man possibly execute a salacious squash all over incredibly built, bigger and bigger every time we see him, ~~Damien Rush~~ Super Stud? A kryptonite plated walking stick, kiddies. That’s what levels the playing field, or, more accurately, levels the luscious man of steel, Super Stud.

Damien’s is big, but Charlie’s stick is bigger!

Muscle Domination Wrestling’s Super Men 4.4 is a perfect stocking stuffer for the homoerotic wrestling fan with a twink’s revenge fantasy deep inside. The contrast of skinny, snarling Charlie and magnificently muscled Damien is an enticing hook. Charlie’s green and orange tights hang loosely off his thin frame. This was also Bryce’s costume as Aqua Bryce, but I’m suspecting the Mastodon may have been the last MDW wrestler to squeeze is massive muscles into those tights before tossing them over to the lightweight rookie, because the ass sags halfway to Charlie’s knees without the prominent shelf and shapely glutes of the bigger boys at MDW to fill it out. In contrast, that same Super Stud suit we’ve seen Damien wear on multiple occasions has never fit tighter, never sucked into every crevice and stretch across so many mountainous bulges as it does in 4.4. Literally, Damien can no longer zip the lycra suit up all the way because his gargantuan shoulders and huge pecs can no longer be contained! There’s something extravagant and overcompensating about the suction packed super suit that makes the drapes and pleats of Charlie’s sagging tights seem somehow hungrier, more dangerous, more ripe with arousing potential for the brainiac high school nerd to get sweet, sweet satisfaction from the suffering letterman.

I’m sure I’m simply a sick puppy for getting turned on by the scene in Rob Zombie’s Halloween when the kid version of Michael Myers gets revenge for getting bullied at school by ambushing his bigger tormentor in the woods and beating the shit out of him (literally) with a tree branch. Yeah, that’s just fucked up, I realize, but I’m just being honest. I took my fair share of bullying torment as a skinny academic all star, so I’m sure it says everything about me that I’ve got a hair trigger for the twink’s revenge narrative in 4.4.

But unlike Michael Myers, Charlie Evans has more on his mind than homicidal brutality. He mercilessly taunts the bulging super hero as he pounds his kryptonited cane into Damien’s very prominent pouch. “I don’t think your super crotch here has seen enough action,” Charlie gloats. Not nearly satisfied enough, he dives in and wraps the fingers of his right hand around Damien’s mountainous crotch, squeezing, manipulating, crushing the nearly comically virile hunk into a writhing, impotent pile of meat.

Charlie lords it over his magnificently muscled prey.

Like the vicious twink avatar he is, Charlie doesn’t just drive home the blunt end of his walking stick, he drives him the utter humiliation that all those gorgeous, lovingly sculpted muscles are completely useless. The jock’s pride and joy, his never fail cocktease physique is laid to ruin by a lightweight 4 inches shorter and, according to their wrestler profiles, 70 pounds lighter.

Things to come, Super Stud. Things to come.

Things really start to turn sexy when Charlie pounds the end of his walking stick into Damien’s fabulously meaty glutes. “Time to soften you up before I get a little touchy-feely. I don’t know which is more fun,” Charlie chuckles. “Your front, or your back.” As I’m screaming at the screen “his ASS!!!” Charlie rolls the writhing hunk to his stomach and digs his fingertips into those meaty, shrink wrapped glutes. “I can work with this, I think,” Charlie says appreciatively. “This will be a lot of fun to play with!” He grabs both cheeks and shakes the meat enthusiastically. “I’m going to have a blast back here!” he promises.

“This will be a lot of fun to play with!”

“You might look pretty bad, but you feel pretty nice!” Charlie coos, getting good and handsy feeling up Damien’s sweetly suffering muscles. “You’re going to be my slave!” the twink on a rampage promises.

As is the norm at MDW, this is a squash, and other than ball claws, stomping, and assault with a blunt weapon, there’s not a strong reference to professional wrestling in the narrative. It’s a domination match, through and through, and setting my imagination into overdrive for what a skinny, horny, vengeful nerd might do with a battered, conquered, and sleepered jock tormentor at his mercy, Super Men 4.4 scratches an itch for me right. “And now you’re mine to play with…”

The Rookie Wrecker Returns

December 22, 2015 wrestlebard2 Comments

I find it nearly impossible to refrain from commenting when Lon Dumont stars in a new release. Capping off a sensational year, Lon does what, I believe, Lon does best in Gut Bash 12: wreck the fuck out of rookies.

0202_lg — Gorgeous new rookie Carlos Ortega makes his debut in Gut Bash 12.

I realize that I can neglect talking enough about a wrestler when I’m such a raging fan of his opponent, so let me take a little time up front to welcome hot, ripped, lithe, lovely rookie Carlos Ortega to the homoerotic wrestling universe. Is there anything more mouthwatering than a ripped, achingly young, lusciously lipped newbie climbing into the ring in white trunks and sporting a pony tail? The adorable kid has an awesome attitude. Sure, he works the time tested, well worn path of the cocky, naive young hottie convinced of his own destiny. But as the tussle rages back and forth with one of the most tried and true pro heels in the business, Carlos takes a beating and keeps crawling back for more. He gives nothing away to the sizzling hot, fabulously fit wrestler turned bodybuilder turned wrestler Lon Dumont. Lon’s got to earn it.

h0204_lg — Silly rookie think grabbing the ropes will offer him any reprieve from Lon’s relentless assault.

Earn it, he does. There’s something of waves crashing to shore about Lon when he’s executing a crushing, grinding, weathering assault on a hot young kid like this. Rakes to the eyes, ab stretches, grinding knees digging deep into the kid’s core initiate adorable young Carlos into the harsh realities of pro wrestling. Somehow, the babyface beauty keeps insisting that his abs put the bodybuilder’s six-pack to shame. Have you SEEN Lon’s abs!? (Oh, sorry, my infatuation with Lon popped up there).

0216_lg — Fuck, I want a ticket for that ride!

I’ve got a Pavlovian response to watching Lon prop himself up on the ropes and hang there with an opponent squirming like a bug stuck between his sensational scissors. That’s what squeezes a screaming, “I QUIT!” from the hot young initiate first, slapping at Lon’s boots in a frantic, humiliating tap out.

“You put up a pretty good fight,” Lon concedes, hovering over the pile of broken promises and dreams lying in a heap at his feet. “You impressed me today, buddy.” True, Lon then proceeds to kick the kid viciously while he’s way down and way out, but seriously, any newbie who can earn that much praise from the notoriously unimpressed Mr. Dumont deserves a second look.

0222_lg — Carlos busts his knuckles and nearly knocks himself out trying to break down Lon’s granite core.

Lon gives him another 10 minutes of soul crushing gut bashing, delivering to us a glimpse of the depths of suffering young Carlos can suck on and still remain conscious. My favorite moment of this match, by far, is when the battered babyface swings for the fences, driving full force, drilling jabs punching squarely into Lon’s muscled core. Lon sucks it down, but Carlos suddenly cradles his right fist, trying to shake the numbness away. Fervently, he starts punching with his left fist, determined not to relinquish momentum, only to abruptly cradle his left fist against his chest, clearly now having damaged both paws futilely pounding at the granite sculpture that is Lon’s phenomenal, award winning bodybuilder core. A note of panic creeps across the kid’s face. Determined to throw everything and the kitchen sink against the veteran heel, in desperation Carlos drives a diving head butt down into his opponent’s abdominals. The kid comes up, swaying sickeningly, having nearly knocked himself out on Mr. Dumont’s famously fit gut.

0225_lg — Oh, rook. That pony tail was destined for this!

Lon doesn’t disappoint fans aching to see Carlos’ irresistible hair handle get yanked. Truthfully, the kid has been out COLD from a skull rattling bull dog well before the unsatisfied heel drags him to his feet by his hair. He hangs him in the ropes, awakening the kid from the respite of unconsciousness back into the nightmare of being the helpless target of a bodybuilder with pro wrestling expertise.

h0221_lg — Wake up and smell the humiliation, newbie!

“Still undisputed, baby!” Lon crows, patting his trophy-ready, ripped six-pack proudly as the kid hangs humiliatingly from the ropes. So fucking true. In fact, it’s been a full two years since Kid Karisma last snatched title of my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler from Lon’s grasp, but with this exceptionally entertaining follow up to Lon’s inaugural Wrestler Spotlight DVD earlier this year, I’m announcing that Lon has retaken my fondest fanaticism from Kid K by a hair’s breadth.

0218_lg — Once again, neverland’s undisputed reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler: Lon Dumont!

Somehow, I doubt this will be the last of Kid K’s praises here at neverland. And of course the best evidence of which of these hot, hot wrestlers shines brightest would be a head-to-head battle of the titans in 2016. Oh, homoerotic wrestling gods, hear my prayer…

Chocolat au Lait

December 21, 2015 wrestlebard7 Comments

Although I consider professional wrestling as my gateway drug, hooking me early and setting me up for a lifetime of getting turned on by wrestling, I don’t follow mainstream straight up pro much at all anymore. However, even I know that there’s a little something special under the tree for Indy pro wrestling fans who also enjoy the homoerotic side of the scene. BG East’s new release Gut Bash 11 features 2015 standout indy pro turned homoerotic heartthrob, Chet Chastain, climbing into the ring with his honest to god Indy pro tag team partner, wrestling for BGE as Brice “Big Mamma” Moore.

“You have shitty abs,” Brice Moore snarls at his former tag team partner.

The pretty quotient spikes dramatically, with both Chet and Brice being dazzlingly beautiful. So many of the homoerotic wrestlers who come by way of the mainstream scene are cut from the harsh, rough edged, burly badass side things. I mean, it’s absolutely true that I find the like of Guido Genatto, Flash LaCash, and Lane Hartley infinitely fuckable, but I wouldn’t put them in the pretty pile. Sexy as fuck, yes. Pretty, no. The leading men from the dazzlingly beautiful corner of the homoerotic wrestling stable seem more likely to find their way to one of our rings by way of being go go boys, dancers, fitness competitors or underwear models. But despite living in the meat grinder of the Indy pro circuit, Chet and Brice are nothing if not dazzlingly beautiful, pin-up-beefcake.

They also show up with some palpable chemistry that I have to imagine comes only with spending thousands of hours together working out, practicing, traveling and wrestling out of the same corner night after night. In Gut Bash 11, the two accomplished pretty boys are on the outs, with sibling rivalry gone horribly wrong. There’s apparently an ongoing debate between them regarding which of them earns the loudest cheers, which hot body possesses the most fanatical followers, which member of the sexy combo carries more than his fair share of the burden of making them a brilliant, successful pro wrestling tag team.

As you might imagine, kicking off a product called “Gut Bash” means that, specifically, Chet and Brice are focusing on whose ripped abs are most awesome. Personally, I think settling this question would really require a blogger and a bottle of baby oil to be on hand, but Chet and Brice do an admirable job of taunting, testing, and tenderizing each other with a level of heat that only lover, brothers, or tag team champs could possibly generate.

There’s something totally over the top about this match. As someone who is always looking for compelling ring personalitities, my cup runneth over as Chet and Brice snarl and snap, monologue and improvise non-stop. I have no idea where Brice came up with calling himself “Big Mamma.” It’s apropos of nothing I can see. Chet appears genuinely taken aback by it. But Brice owns it, lives it, makes me find myself astonishingly muttering the words, “fuck, yes, do it Big Mamma” at the screen, which is a phrase this Kinsey 6 has never said, thought, or even considered in my life.

The wrestling is similarly over the top. A frustrated Chet literally bites the gorgeously bulging abdominals of his mouthwateringly sexy tag team partner. The spirit of the match is highly competive, momentum teetering back and forth, but these boys really shine in those moments when one stud is firmly in control. There’s a recurring theme of the taunting coach, barking and intimidating his opponent into obediently doing sit-ups in the middle of the ring to “get those shitty abs into shape.” “Scream my name!” Brice commands when he’s got his hands wrapped around Chet’s throat. “Whose house is it!?!” he demands. “Big…. Mamma’s house!” Chet screeches in a panic.

“How about I shove your balls into your abs?!”

I hear that crotch claws may be breaking into mainstream pro, but I have to think that Chet and Brice haven’t had their hands on each other’s junk this much ever before. Brice grabs momentum (aka, Chet’s cock) with vicious enthusiasm, before grabbing the back of Chet’s head in hand and shoving his partner’s coverboy face into his own bulging package. Chet battles back to follow his partner into the dark side of homoerotic pro wrestling villainy. “You want to grab my dick, Big Mamma? You want to put your dick in my face, Big Mamma!?” He stomps his boot heel viciously into Brice’s big bulge with abandon, grabbing him by the ankles and driving the sole of his boot brutally into his partner’s balls. “How about I shove your balls into your abs of steel?”

Watch the match if you want to relieve the suspense of finding out whose abs earn bragging rights when all is said and done. As for me, it’s the other, implied contest that I’m ready to settle here and now. Which of these dazzlingly beautiful pro pretty boys own my most heart pounding adoration? When push comes to shove, if forced to decide which luscious hunk makes me cheer loudest, sweat hardest, and ache to see more of most, I’ll kick Chet’s munchable ass right out of bed to make room for the incredibly classic physique of Brice.

The last time a BG East debut captivated me quite as completely as Big Mamma, I was beginning a perpetual crush as president of the Lon Dumont fan club (just try to wrestle that title off my hands!). Brice is larger than life, with an aggressive, confident, cocky personality that can barely be squeezed inside the confines of a wrestling ring, much less manage to share it with anyone else. And speaking of squeezing into tight confines, that body!!! Holy fuck. Massive, broad, boulder shoulders, meaty pecs, ripped abs, TINY waist blossoming into an unbelievably gorgeous muscle ass, and beautifully, powerful legs… again I say, holy fuck, this man is stunning. And that face. Roaring and in charge, adrenaline pumping out his pores as he snarls and snaps, Brice has the unmistakable look of a potential header liner of a Fantasyman release in 2016.

Not that I’m not infatuated with Chet, mind you. But if these two egos absolutely required me to pick sides, and essentially, that is the real competition in Gut Bash 11, I’ll smack Chet’s fine, fine ass and send him packing for a full contact meet and greet with every beautiful inch of Brice “Big Mamma” Moore.

How about you? Team Chet or team Brice? And who do we have to blow to get to see these boys bring their over the top Indy pro tag team cred and barely maintained detente to a homoerotic tag team match? Come on, 2016. Let’s see some dreams come true.

News Break

December 16, 2015December 16, 2015 wrestlebard9 Comments

Just a few (relatively) quick, mostly unrelated items of interest (to me).

The reigning King of the Ring, beautiful beefcake Austin (the Doctor is In) Cooper.

First of all, have you been following Jose’s exclusive advance coverage of Rock Hard Wrestling’s imminent King of the Ring 5? RHW has not been on my speed dial recently, so I’m grateful that Jose is broadcasting the news I can use from the Rock Hard world. Defending his title as reigning King of the Ring, Austin Cooper is back and beautiful facing off against babyface muscle star Bruce Ballard. My opinions and perspectives on the upcoming title defense are woefully uninformed, so consult Jose’s breakdown of the past, present, and possible future for Coop and Bruce. Results of Jose’s fan poll sincerely surprised me, but as for me, as with King of the Ring 4, Coop is my sentimental favorite to slap beefy Bruce down and put him in his place. I will say that regardless of who wins, there is something super sexy about a classic muscleman in trunks with a championship belt hanging across his big, bulging shoulder. Yum!

12347742_1739213052979507_7898128102857565170_n — Ty Alexander: the gift that keeps on giving!

Speaking of yum, did you celebrate Ty Alexander’s birthday last week? Judging by the hundreds of birthday wishes stuffed into his Facebook feed, probably the chances are you did. In case not, I have it on good authority that Ty is accepting adoring attention every day of the year.

11010950_1727554060812073_7887502599439292365_n — … and giving, and giving…

I often wonder about a day in the life of my favorite homoerotic wrestling infatuations. I have to guess that, for Ty, an average birthday includes unwrapping tons of wrestling gear from fawning fans, based on the perpetual wrestling fashion show Ty gives us displaying an unending supply of bubble butt beautiful trunks, singlets, thongs and jock straps. I sent my birthday wishes (no gear, sorry Ty) last week, but honestly, every day is a special day whenever Ty strips down and shows off his tight, sexy wrestling bod.

gio — Tommy DiDario and Gio Benitez take Hawaii (and me, anyday).

And speaking of news, ongoing newsboy crush Gio Benitez and his fiancé Tommy DiDario recently returned from a sun soaked Hawaiian vacation. I, for one, would like to insist that these two gorgeous muscle hunks always vacation in hot, sunny locations, because there was so much lush, beautiful shirtless muscle on display! I keep waiting for my invitation to their wedding, but I console myself in the mean time returning to one of my favorite pastimes, handicapping celebrity lover tag teams in my homoerotic wrestling imagination. The quality of beef on display and the increasing generosity of sharing make me think that Gio and Tommy are odds on favorites to double team and flex their way to a number one ranking. As of this particular moment, I think the championship would climax with side-by-side tandem tombstone piledrivers as prelude to Gio’s face sitting 3 count pin on Sam Champion while tasty Tommy flexes in victory with his sweet ass planted atop Sam’s husband’s handsome mug. Pumped and fired up to claim the titles, Gio lustfully tackles his beautiful bon bon to the mat, right in the middle of their unconscious opponents, for a crotch grinding make out session.

gio2 — Pecs. Those fucking sensational pecs…

So yeah, thanks Hawaii.

Attempting a Comeback

December 14, 2015December 14, 2015 wrestlebard2 Comments

Joe Mazetti is, if anything, bigger and more beautiful than ever!

My heart raced the moment I saw the news that Joe Mazetti is starring in The Comeback 2 in BG East’s newest catalog. I fell so hard for Joe way back when I purchased my very first BG East DVD, Fantasymen 18. It was one of those situations where I purchased the DVD thinking that the match pitting Joe against Derek D’Amore ranked last among the contests that I thought I wanted to see most from the collection, but then it turned out to be tied for 1st when it comes to the bouts from that DVD that I return to over and over again.

Youth vs Experience. Magnificent, thick cut muscle vs magnificent, thick cut muscle!

There’s a strong element of barely contained rage in Joe as a pro wrestler. It’s like he’s Bruce Banner on the edge of hulking out, but honestly, Joe always looks like the Incredible Hulk, whether he’s philosophizing or raging. Returning to the ring after an absence of somewhere around a decade, Joe is every inch as wad blowingly sexy as he ever was. Fuck, please, I’ll pay a mint for a bottle of baby oil and Joe’s outstanding fantasy physique in hand for a couple of hours. But these days, Joe says he’s mellowed. All those sensationally sexy muscle is now paired with maturity and patience. With age has come wisdom, and he’s much more the philosopher than the impulsive ring heel he was back when.

He’s nearly fawning over big, beautiful, blond beefcake Biff Farrell when he climbs into the ring. Hearing the compliments roll off Joe’s tongue is both surprising (knowing what a bulldozer heel he used to be) and sensationally arousing. I’d love to hear more homoerotic wrestling stars show some well earned adoration for their opponent’s fabulous physiques. The sportsmanly tone draws the blond rookie right in, and Biff gives credit where it’s so aptly due, admiring Joe’s incredibly fit muscles. I keep waiting, any second, for Joe to jump his juicy young opponent from behind, to punch him in the testicles, to rake him across the eyes. But no, the thick, thick coat of humility and sincere compliments he’s laying down persists. It’s the kinder, gentler, but not an ounce less massively muscled beautifully built Joe Mazetti who agrees that Biff’s body is such a close match to his in size and fitness that they really ought to arm wrestle to check out whose biceps pack the bigger punch.

Beautiful Biff and I are both wondering if Joe’s face-turn is for real.

Joe loses, and I’m breathlessly waiting for his legendary short fuse to light. But holy shit. No, Joe is downright self-deprecating! Sure, he says he thinks that he may have been in a bad position, but even behind the rationalization for his loss, Joe reasserts repeatedly that Biff absolutely gets full credit for besting him. Credit where credit’s due, Joe insists. Still, Biff offers to go 2 out of 3, just to make sure Joe feels like he’s got a fair shot at an honest muscle versus muscle showdown. They’re so incredibly respectful! I expect this from a naive, muscle head youngster like luscious Biff. But never would I have expected to be this far past pushing the play button and have yet to see Joe Mazetti go ape shit all over an opponent.

I’m just settling in to appreciate this new reality. Would we call this a “face-turn?” They lock hands again and bear down. Joe’s quickly got the momentum going over the top, but holy shit, like a machine, Biff stops him inches from victory and second by second fights his way back to neutral. Joe can’t believe it. I mean, really, he can’t believe it. As Biff suddenly overpowers him, slamming his arm down, Joe swears that the blue-eyed rookie cheated. Before any discussion of the more esoteric rules of arm wrestling can be discussed, Joe’s fuse gets lit and the bomb goes off in an instant. He clotheslines the unsuspecting babyface beefcake. “Look what you made me do!” Joe screams at Biff, writhing at his feet.

Holy fuck, look at the size of Joe’s upper legs!

It’s like not a minute has passed since we last saw Joe demonstrate the very definition of kicking ass. Fascinatingly, Joe tries to talk himself down, even as he brutalizes big Biff viciously. He doesn’t want to be that vile, ill-tempered, underhanded heel anymore. He wants to win fair and square, he argues as he kicks his opponent when he’s down. Biff is fucked but good, as Joe rides the wave of momentum he’s built out of pure instinct. All things being equal, he could put poor, bulging, beautiful Biff out for good at any moment.

Fed up with being heel bait, Biff claws his way back into contention.

But he doesn’t. He stops himself, swearing that if ever he’s going to be anything other than the vile, brawling heel of his youth, it’s got to start now. He gives Biff a hand up off the mat. I’m thinking Biff’s about to get sucker punched in the balls when he accepts the offer. Frankly, I’m pretty sure Biff is half prepared for just that sort of treatment he’s learned to expect from BG East heels. “Are you sure?” Biff asks if Joe’s sincerely ready to turn over a new leaf, as he slowly reaches his feet, shaking away the wobblies left over from getting his bell rung repeatedly.

An evil grin stretches across Biff’s beautiful baby face.

And then Biff sucker punches one of the most devastating ring heels in BG East history! I’m sure I’m not the only one to wonder if gorgeous Biff is destined to be anything other than heel bait. Well, watching him not just level the playing field but ride his ill-begotten advantage out for days illustrates a whole new side of Biff that I for one am thrilled beyond words to be introduced to. He manhandles Joe. Let me just repeat that. Biff Farrell manhandles Joe Mazetti. Let that sink in just a bit, as I replay the incredibly hot scenes in my head of Biff making the veteran scream, his head trapped between Biff’s humungous thighs, while the rookie laughs in open faced delight at completely taking advantage of his stunned opponent.

Delivering low blows makes hot-commodity-Biff laugh.

This is a sensationally competitive match before all is said and done. I’m left guessing to the very end who’s still got fuel in the tanks and a will to stomp away the last vestiges of good will, mutual respect, and an honest interest in straight up wrestling competition. I’ve never seen big, bad Joe more vulnerable. I’ve never witnessed blue-eyed Biff more vicious. But watching both beautiful boys work up thick coat of sweat on their way to beating the living fuck out of each other, I’m breathless with anticipation of which handsome hunk will leave the other laid out cold in the middle of the ring.

Experience threatens to rip youth apart, bone by bone!

I was chatting with one of my sounding boards this weekend about this very match, and we bandied about the question of which is inherently the sexier scenario: the seasoned veteran who puts the rising young hunk in his place, or the “pretty muscleboy who beats up big, burly daddy” (my sounding board’s words)? You know it’s a cruel universe when we have to choose between those two fabulous fantasies. The Comeback 2 gives us a tantalizing taste of both, but this is homoerotic pro. It’s not as if there’s any chance that this will end in a draw. It’s not as if these two perfectly matched beasts will so impress one another that they’ll just shake hands and join forces to own tag team wrestling in perpetuity (they would). As evenly matched, as fantastically fully formed these two wrestling characters are in service to a sensationally suspenseful, ego raging, muscle ripping narrative, only one of these homoerotic wrestling fantasies finally plays out here.

“Pretty muscle boy beats up big burly daddy?”

And I’m breathlessly waiting to see if Biff can bring this intensity and hunger to the ring again. And I’m nothing short of gagging for seeing more of Joe Mazetti, a little older, a little wiser, and, if anything, about 20 times sexier (by my subjective calculations) for the rounded edges and eye on his own legacy that’s motivated one of the most exciting comeback’s in homoerotic wrestling history (by my estimation).

Seasoned pro puts rising hunk in his place?

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

December 9, 2015December 9, 2015 wrestlebard7 Comments

There was quite a flurry of November new releases at the end of the month. I didn’t come close to sampling everything hitting the market, because I have only so much money and time. But that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t moved by what I did see, and when it comes to selecting my favorite each month, the name of the game is what grabbed my attention and tickled my crotch most. So, yes, I’m ready to anoint a new homoerotic wrestler of the month, and based on the sweaty fantasies haunting my dreams in the wee hours of the mornings, that wrestler is…

… Thunder’s Arena’s Eagle.

Eagle has a classic bodybuilder physique!

This gorgeous newbie made a big, big splash in the homoerotic wrestling pool, debuting in Thunder’s Battlespace 84, then earning the unique distinction of co-starring the Thunder’s first ever extremely limited release, available for one day only, running headlong into the beautiful muscle veteran Frey in Bodybuilder Battle 85.

Regular readers are aware that my HWOTM title tends to go to time-tested, fully formed wrestling personalities. However, Eagle is definitely not the first, fresh out of the box, mouthwatering muscle man to rise to the top of the cop in a given month. It takes a rookie with a particular set of jaw dropping assets to put him into this elite company. Bronzed, blond, blue-eyed fitness model Eagle possesses exactly those foot-in-the-door credentials to make me take a double take. And then some!

“I’m not just a pretty face. I’ve got the brawn to go with it.”

Eagle has a delightfully compelling personality to compliment his muscle mag coverboy aesthetics. In his opening confessional with the camera, he acknowledges precisely what I’m thinking when he tells fans not to worry about his close-up-ready pretty face. Pointing those piercing, hauntingly luminescent eyes straight into your soul, the devastatingly handsome hunk flexes with a cocky sneer and explains that he’s built his comic book superhero physique into such a powerful, completely dominating mass of muscle in order to protect his picture perfect pretty face. He crunches those gargantuan pecs, pumps his massive, peaked biceps, and promises you that he’s abundantly equipped to emerge from any wrestling match every bit as pretty as he started.

Coach didn’t teach you this, did he Eagle? Look at the size of those upper legs!!!!

It’s a special joy when a newbie shows up to the homoerotic wrestling mats with unmistakable amateur wrestling experience. Eagle is every juicy ounce as comfortable, confident, and capable as Frey as they lock up, scramble, and score take downs. The narrative takes shape around the notion that Frey finds the fitness model newbie perfectly able to hold his own (and he’s welcome to hold mine anytime he’d like) when it comes to straight up speed, strenghth, and mat skill. After an impressive display of body awareness and control, a frustrated Frey initiates the beautiful rook into the rougher edges of professional homoerotic wrestling. Nut shots set up that wonderful arsenal of corporal punishment that they do NOT train you for in high school wrestling. OTK backbreakers, bone crunching bearhugs, and a spine crunching Boston crab work every bulging inch of the luscious newbie beautifully.

Both Frey and Eagle stroll gracefully into one of my favorite plots as the newbie roars back to demonstrate he is a very quick study and enthusiastic to practice everything he’s learning on the fly. It’s his gargantuan quads that feature front and center and really make me gasp in unison with Frey struggling to feed his lungs oxygen. Those massive tree trunks are insane! And he crushes the bearded badboy like squeezing the last fraction of an ounce of toothpaste out of the tube. I buy it 110% when Frey submits, looking for the world like he’s desperate to make an appointment with his chiropractor to get his spine fixed after getting violently rearranged in more than one variation of Eagle’s scissors.

He pounds his huge, flexed thighs demonstrating the power that just fucked Frey over!

And the newbie is so fucking proud. He preens and pumps cockily. He flexes those insane quads, pointing at them and trash talking the veteran writhing on the mat at his feet. And then here’s the plot point that makes me weak in the knees. Frey fucking goes after the goldenboy’s pride and joy. He targets Eagle’s huge thighs for a cruise missile attack. There’s no skirting around the edges. He doesn’t distract him with one thing in order to sneak attack the tree trunks on the sly. It’s ego versus ego as Frey charges headlong into what is undeniably the kid’s proudest asset and, at face value, his most devastating tool in threatening to upend his seasoned pro opponent.

Frey locks on a figure-4 leg lock, and suddenly all that luscious meat hanging off of the bone is useless! Eagle looks shocked. He’s panicked as the reality of his knee about to snap in half washes over him. Technique and a perfectly executed plan defy the overwhelming momentum that the dazzling newbie was riding. All that mouthwatering promise, all that cocky, stunningly beautiful physical perfection, all that cocky, athletically accomplished, roaring young ego certain of his date with destiny… left screaming in a pool of sweat and tears.

Eagle can’t walk when Frey is done with his pride and joy legs.

I’m hoping Eagle sharpens his talons and flies right back into the fray, because he completely did it for me in Bodybuilder Battle 85. In the mean time, for the body, the beauty, the wrestling, and the storytelling, Eagle is my new reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month.

Physical perfection coming and going. Eagle is my new homoerotic wrestler of the month.

The Eagle Has Landed

November 29, 2015 wrestlebard4 Comments

Publishing over 1,300 blog posts over about 6 years comes with an occasional privilege. No, I don’t mean taking shit from rude people insulting me about my opinions. That’s just a gift that seems to keep on giving, true enough, but the privilege that I’m talking about today is an occasional sneak peak of homoerotic wrestling products not quite yet released. I was on a short list sent a wrestling match by Mr. Mike at Thunder’s Arena. They’re trying out a new marketing approach in honor of the most post-modern of holidays, Cyber Monday. November 30, 2015, for one day only, you can download a muscle on muscle feast featuring industry titan Frey (aka, Austin Cooper) getting his hands all over new, young muscle phenom Eagle.

Eagle is more than just a pretty face. But just look at that face!

I haven’t yet seen Eagle’s debut match against Dozer in Battlespace 84, so I’m late to the game in assessing this very tasty, fresh cut of meat. So you’ll forgive me if I take a moment to evaluate the promise of this magnificent kid. First of all, those eyes. I know, I know. You aren’t shelling out cash to admire some guy’s eyes. But honestly, take a moment, because Eagle’s eyes are stunningly beautiful. Those eyes would stop me in my tracks if I saw this perched out a bar somewhere. Before I had the opportunity to confirm he’s built like the proverbial brick house, I’d be signing up for a ride based on nothing but those translucent, shimmering, riveting baby blue eyes.

I’m calling it: the new goldenboy of homoerotic wrestling!

So, yes, the kid is pretty. He knows what you’re thinking, too. Painfully pretty often means heel bait in homoerotic wrestling. So Eagle gives you a little testimonial by way of introduction, assuring you that although he gets paid good money as a fitness model to look pretty, he’s got the muscle and the wrestling background behind him to be much, much, much more than a pretty face on the Thunder’s mats. Though, again, at the risk of repeating myself, I just have to say again, fuck, he is lusciously pretty.

Frey may no longer be top goldenboy, but he’s not without his massive assets.

The title of this blog post was nearly “Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper,” but at Thunder’s, Eagle’s veteran opponent goes by Frey rather than Austin Cooper, as he’s known in competition elsewhere. I’ve often referred to Austin as homoerotic wrestling’s reigning goldenboy, so it says something that dazzlingly pretty Eagle instantly rips that title from the veteran’s hands in the opening muscle pose down. Not that Frey isn’t every ounce as gorgeous and titillating as ever. He bulges in all the right places, and all of his bulges bounce and quiver with just the right heft. But if we’re talking homoerotic wrestling’s resident goldenboy, Frey looks downright pasty white and lumbersexual with his pale, pale skin and sinister red beard. Eagle is a bronzed god, with thighs that completely dwarf Frey’s powerful legs, and an incredibly aesthetic, perfectly proportioned back plunging via an incredibly tiny waist into a lush, powerful, thickly muscled set of glutes. At the risk of getting yet another boatload of hate mail from Coop fans, I’m just going to say what I see here: Eagle’s fitness, muscle size, muscle tone, tan, fuck, even his perfectly smooth skin tone puts the bulging, bearded veteran to shame. There, I said. Let the hate zingers fly.

Two phenomenal physiques. Two seriously impressive mat wrestlers!

Physique aesthetics are, however, merely one component in what turns me on about this genre, of course. So color me delighted when the opening third of this face off demonstrates that both Frey and Eagle are equally credentialed amateur wrestling masters. They trade single leg take downs for days. They put each other’s backs to the mat with authority. I’ve known from the beginning that Frey is an accomplished amateur mat wrestler, but seeing him get pushed and tested by this shining, golden kid that’s just smacked the pretty right off of Frey is completely unexpected.

I won’t spoil the drama of competition too much for you, but I think Mr. Mike will understand if I have to say that the heat turns way, way up once Frey starts teaching the beautiful young pretty boy the difference between amateur and professional wrestling. He lays the physique star out like Thanksgiving dinner in a long, lingering, agonizingly arching over the knee backbreaker that shows off most of the kid’s best assets. All of Eagle’s muscles are just laid out there for the veteran to torture. Your amateur wrestling coach didn’t teach you about that, now did he, Eagle?

Eagle is a quick study, though, and he is firmly in possession of all of the equipment necessary to not just dazzle fans, but also put the hurt on an opponent. It’s his gargantuan thighs crushing Frey’s ribs that slowly, wetly milk the grudging respect out of the veteran with a gasping submission. Frey has to take a minute to recover, which merely gives Eagle the time to flex and crow about his magnificent quads. He flexes those monsters in victory, and I’m signing up for the Eagle fan club instantly. Fuck, this guy is built!

Frey is that much more determined to snap the kid off at the knees, targeting precisely Eagle’s pride and joy legs for the veteran’s last ditch effort not to suffer a humiliating defeat from the very same kid who snatched the title of reigning homoerotic wrestling goldenboy from him 10 seconds after taping started. Sure, the biceps and the pecs are fucking huge, but there’s nothing quite as titillating or entrancing as egos this massive pounding into one another in a desperate attempt not to be humiliated.

Aesthetics. This kid needs, and clearly wants, to show us more skin.

One final, relatively minor point that I have to mention. You know how a lot of homoerotic wrestlers, particularly newbies, are unable to contain their self-consciousness, how they tug and pull at their trunks to keep as much skin covered by the tiny swath of fabric that producers let them walk onto the mat with? Well, Eagle does exactly the opposite. He’s always tugging down at the top of his trunks. It’s like he’s dying to show us how insanely tiny his muscled little waist is. The relatively modest square cuts he’s in seem to persistently irritate him because they cover up too much of his perfectly unblemished, gorgeously bronzed skin. Every time he pulls them down, showing off a fraction of an inch more of his very lower abs, giving just a glimpse of his ripped, ridged hip flexors, I fucking love this dazzling beautiful kid a little more. Get this beast out of square cuts and let his inner/outer exhibitionist fly free, Mr. Mike! Clearly both Eagle and I are just dying for him to show more skin.

I could get into celebrating Cyber Monday each year if there were more presents like this wrapped up and waiting for me.

Just try to tear your eyes away from this pretty boy!

	Chris H on You Want a Body Like This
	jovialbouquet57d1ec5… on You Want a Body Like This
	wrestlebard on About Beau
	swagsupernaturally3c… on About Beau
	swagsupernaturally3c… on About Beau